Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Ultimate Heartbreak

Most of you will know by now that Christian and I are trying for a baby. What most of you didn't know was that for almost two weeks now, there was a bloody good chance I was pregnant.

It started with my period being late. I've not ever had cause for my periods being late before but I waited it out a little. Then I started feeling a bit sick every now and then and rushing to the loo at lot. So I did a test. Negative. No worries, it's early days yet and not everyone does a positive test in the first few weeks.

Fast forward to this week and my monthlies still hadn't arrived and my hopes started rising. Add to this that I had been so tired that I could hardly stay awake past 8pm and everyone I spoke too assured me I would be popping out a mini-me by Christmas.

So I did another test yesterday. I have never been so nervous in my life. I had butterflies in my stomach and I was almost giddy with excitement. I had let everyone talk me into getting excited. Against my better judgement, I was convinced I was pregnant.

When that second damn line failed to show, I felt sick. There had to be some mistake. My period was two weeks late. How could I not be pregnant? All the signs were there, what was I missing?

I was so upset. I bawled like the baby I so desperately want and wallowed in my own misery. To make matters worse, early this morning my period started, snuffing out the last flicker of hope I had left. I guess I should look at the positives - that I won't have to deal with throwing up every five minutes on the plane to Scotland for one, having another 'Libra wisdom' post for another.

And so next month begins and we'll try again. However, this time I will not get excited until I have two bloody lines show up on that stupid little pee test.

6 comments:

Hieronymus Anonymous said...

*hugs*
Oh, sweetie.
I'm so sorry.
I'm here if you want to talk about it.

smerk said...

*hugs*

So sorry that it's not working out for you yet...hopefully it'll happen for you two soon!

accipiter said...

Though I haven't ever tried getting myself pregnant before and so can't really say that I fully sympathise with what you've gone through, I can certainly sympathise with having your hopes build up and then get dashed. Well, all you can do is keep trying (which I'm sure is quite an onerous task for both of you). If you're determined to have a child, you'll manage to get one eventually!

Mort said...

I agree with Acci, it'll happen for you Nettie dude, so try not to think about it too much (I know that sounds easy for me to say but trust me these things have a habit of happening anyway, and probably when your least expecting it). In the mean time stay strong and at least enjoy the attempts!

Besides, from what I know about you two so far, I think you'll make superb parents.

ScarletManuka said...

Thanks guys, it's nice to know I've got such good friends, even if you do all live a million miles away.

smerk said...

Tchuh, if you really think a 40-60 minute drive is "millions of miles away" Nettie...;-)