Friday, March 31, 2006

Who put that door there?

I was at a loss as to what to post about today - nothing terribly exciting has happened lately. And then it hit me. Well, actually, the door hit me. The door frame, to be more precise. Or, maybe it was me who hit the door frame?

You see, I would have to be the clumsiest git who has ever lived. 'Accident prone' my Mother used to say. I just manage to injure myself on a constant basis.

Whenever Christian hears a thump and a hastily bitten off swear word he yells out "What on Earth have you walked into now?" because it is almost always me not seeing the wall/corner/door frame and heavily colliding with it. I'm lucky I don't bruise easily or I'd have many a raised eyebrow and concerned questions regarding my marriage.

When I was younger, there was an official inquest into my family because my school thought I was being abused at home. It all happened after one particularly nasty week.
It started off with me falling over on my rollerskates and bruising my hip. The next day I was playing with my cousin and I fell onto the window ledge and further bruised the same hip. I had to go to the doctors for my asthma and Mum got my hip checked out as she was worried I may have fractured a bone. No fracture but the following day at school I slipped on some playground equipment and hit my head. Hard. I don't remember much of the rest of the day but I was taken to hospital by ambulance with swelling and bruising to my brain (No one say a word! I was dumb to begin with!) . I had to stay home from school the next day and I was so bored that when my sisters got home we started playing chasey. I went flying over a chair and put my knee through the glass front of a cabinet and ended up needing five staples to keep my kneecap from falling out.

Mother was not impressed! She had a hard time convincing the authorities that it was because I was clumsy, and not because I pissed off my parents.

So now I kind of stumble through life, trying to avoid things made of concrete and always looking for a soft landing. Unfortunately, my name means 'Grace'. It's quiet laughabe actually as I have all the grace as a blindfolded mating rhinoceros.

PS. Odd fact about me #2 - I have broken my little toes so many times that they no longer touch the ground. When I have wet feet, I leave four toed footprints.


Charybdis said...

So do Australian crytozoologists hunt for the mysterious four-toed creature leaving behind a trail of blood?

ScarletManuka said...

Hmmm, I could have probably made an April Fool's hoax about that if you'd thought of it earlier Chary! Oh well, too late now. It's already April Fools. Maybe I'll save that one for next year.

accipiter said...

What with you, Smerk, and Boo all being in one place in May, I think we'll need to have the local hospital on constant stand-by. Or else we can wrap each of you up in eight layers of thick down quilts.

smerk said...

Eh, I'm not that bad, Acci.

Hieronymus Anonymous said...

Nettie, are you sure we're not the same person?

accipiter said...

That's a possibility, Boo. There could have been such a huge build-up of catastrophic energy somewhere that it was forced to split into two or destroy the world. One half ended up down in Australia, the other half in Scotland. That way they would be separated by the bulk of the entire planet for the safety of the Universe.

But now, the Universe has miscalculated, for in May the two halves shall be reunited once more. . .