Sunday, February 26, 2012

True Love

Sleepy conversation I had with Christian in bed the other night.

Me - Are you happy?
C - Yes, I am. Are you?
Me - With you I am.
C - Meaning?
Me - I'm completely happy with you, I'm just not so happy with me these days.
Me - But I want to be happy. I want to feel the same way about me as you do.
Another pause
C - That might be a little weird when you give yourself a boner.
Me - This is true. It may freak you out a little.

Boom chicka wow wow

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Off with the fairies

My brain hasn't been working lately. Example:

The other day I stop off for some groceries on the way home from work. I hand check out man my reward card. He looks at it dubiously, hesitates for a second and swipes it anyway, then hands it back to me.
COM - This card doesn't work here.
Me - It's not a credit card.
COM - I know.
Me - It's a rewards card. You know, I get points and stuff.
COM - I'm sure you do. But it still isn't working here.
Me - You swipe it and it gives me points.
COM - I get that but it only works at Big W and Woolies and places.
Me - Aaaaaaaaaaaand your point being?
COM - This is Coles.
Me - Oh...
COM - Sorry.
Me - Don't apologise, I'm the dumbarse who has no idea where she is.

Anyone know of any brains for sale on the black market?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

To be open or closed...

...that is indeed the question.

And unfortunately I don't have an old skull handy to chat to so I'll just natter on to you lot.

As most of you are aware by now, I'm pretty open about the things that go on in my life. I've been told by some people (ok, quite a few) that I share too much. This is something I do ponder from time to time and I'm sure that these people (ok, mob) have a point.

I guess I just feel that if I'm having a conversation and something comes up that I've had an experience with or has happened to me, I almost feel compelled to share. Otherwise it's like lying. Because anything I say from that point onwards won't be the truth. If someone says 'I've always wanted to catch a squirrel and dress it in Barbie clothes cos I think it would be fun' and then I say 'Yeah, I wonder what that would be like...' when I know damned well how much fun it is...well to me it feels like I'm not being honest about my opinion because I'm withholding certain information.

Christian on the other hand is very...selective about what he tells people. Not because he's secretive or ashamed or anything, but he's just always been a man of few words.

What got me to pondering tonight is that we were out at a movie with our friend Steven. We were chatting afterwards while standing outside the bank where I used to work and I said I hated being there. Steven said 'Oh yeah, you used to work there. I know you left but I don't know why.' To which of course, being me, I told the truth and said 'I slept with one of the ladies husbands.'

Slight pause, then a bit of a stutter.

'Riiiiiiight. Well, we knew something was up but I always assumed you had cancer or something. All we knew something was upsetting Christian and he didn't want to talk about it. I've always thought you must have had cancer!'

And that's the difference between Christian and I. My friends all know I'm a marriage wrecking slut who turned suicidal from her guilt because I told them about it. Christian's friends think I'm dying of cancer because he said nothing and they only had observations to go on.

I wouldn't say I'm closer to my friends than Christian is to his. And it's not that Christian won't talk about the whole thing. He's always been very supportive and open in discussions that we've had as a couple with other people. If it wasn't for the fact that he doesn't really talk much about anything I might have thought he was trying to protect my honour (or what little I have left of it). The only explanation I have left is that it's a personality thing and I just happen to more open than he is.

It's not just the affair that I'm open about either. I've always be open with people about my abuse, my mental illness, being bi, my lack of religious belief, my favourite colour, the fact that I went to a Take That concert, my inability to conceive children, my dislike of Tom Hanks, my cutting...if it comes up in conversation, I'll discuss it. It's not like I go up to random strangers and say 'I hate Tom Hanks' and run away; the subject has to be broached first.

But how open is too open? My mother hates the fact that I admit to things that are considered shameful. She does not like me talking about my affair, she hates it when I wear shirts that show my scars, she freaked out completely when she saw me kiss Flora on the lips, she tells me I need to get over my abuse and stop dwelling on it. My mother is nice I swear, I really do, but she just has certain issues about some things. I do have to wonder though if the problem lies with me? The things I do obviously make her uncomfortable and so if I become more closed about my life, it would obviously put her at ease. If I was less open, I would most likely make a lot of people more comfortable. Therefore is it logical to assume that the onus rests with me and I should be more tactful; less open; restrained; decorous; less me?

I hate the fact that I make people feel uncomfortable.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

A conversation with Christian

I walk into the study and completely interrupt Christian whilst playing an online game with his mate Steven.

Me : Do you like my bear? Points to my new Oatmeal Beatbox Bear shirt.
C : I don't get it.
Me : What's not to get? Bears like beatboxes cos it's music for the slaughter.
C : Yeah...I still don't get it.
Me : The original strip has lots of dead people round the bottom of the bear. As if pointing this out will help my cause.
C : Yeah...still not getting it. I don't see what's funny about that.
Me : Cos you know, bears like to kill people and you know, stuff, and they like to listen to music and like, stuff, while they know...and like...stuff...
C : ...
Me : It's true!
C : No, that's not true. Bears don't listen to music.
Me : Well, it's like, just as true as like, things like Zurgs being tru...oh, you're not playing Starcraft anymore.
C : No, I'm playing Call of Duty.
Me : Well, aha! Look at that! People don't run around in a war shooting people with guns without a helmet on! See, that's not true!
C : No, that's totally true, only squares wear helmets.
Me : Well, what's more true? Hmmmm? Bears listening to music while slaughtering their dinner or nerds who work in call centres running about in war killing people?
Silence whilst Christian gives me 'a look'.

Why is it I can't even win an illogical argument with this man???