Sunday, October 11, 2009

Job prospects and a new baby on the way!

A couple of weeks ago I came to the conclusion that although working part time was a great break, I really wasn't getting enough hours to finance my lifestyle. I had only been averaging about 16-18 hours a week at my night fill job which was a bit of an issue considering a) the hourly rate kind of sucks and b) I was still spending as if I was working fulltime.
Ok, so maybe not quite as bad as when I was fulltime but almost as bad. Not that I've ever been silly with my money. But I like to buy books and we like to go to the movies and eat out occasionally and if I see an item of clothing that I like and it actually fits well, I like to be able to get it. And although we've got a bit of money in the bank, we've been eating into it and I like the security of having that there as a back up in case it all goes to shit.

So my first thought was to ask for more hours at work. If I could pick up more hours there it would save looking for a second job or even getting a brand new job. My current job may not pay the best and it certainly isn't the most glamorous job in the world but I like it and I like the people I work with and also I'm good at it. Filling shelves may not sound hard but it's physical and you have to be organised and fast but also neat and accurate.
Strangely enough when I arrived at work that day my department manager (night fill comes under the heading of longlife) said that she was going to change my hours so I started at 3pm every second day and work through till 11pm but my five hour Saturday shift would remain the same. So all of a sudden I was getting 27 hours a week and I hadn't even had to push for it.
I was talking to Chris, the nightfill manager about the new hours and said that it was good they had increased my hours because I had needed to extra money and otherwise I'd have had to look for a second job. Chris turned around and replied that she had told her partner in her gardening business about me and how she thought I was really hardworking and when she felt the time was right she was going to offer me a position.

I was rather surprised and flattered and rather chuffed actually :)

Basically it would be occasional work, just when they have a big job and need an extra pair of hands or one of them can't make it. Most of the jobs were cashies (shhhhh) and I could work as many hours as I wanted. Chris usually does about 4 hours per job but Di did 8 or sometimes 10. It sounded like a great way to make some extra cash, Chris would give me at least a week's notice of any jobs so I could plan around them, it wasn't going to be every week so I'd still get a break and it's completely different to anything I've done before. Fair enough, I potter about in my own garden but if you saw the state it's in now, you can tell I'm not fanatical about it. I weed when they reach waist height and I re-pot well past when they're due but I know the basics.

I had my first days work last Thursday and it was great. Weeding someone else's garden is much easier than weeding your own, especially when you're getting paid to do it. I did manage to get rather sunburnt so I'll have to be more careful of that in the future but overall I really enjoyed myself. It was never a line of work I ever thought I'd do, not because I think it's a crap job or anything but because I always thought you'd have to study horticulture or something first. Apparently Di has but Chris fell into it much the same way I did and started off just weeding and cleaning up after Di.

It'll be interesting to see where it goes.

Anyway, onto the second, more tantalising part of the topic ;-)
No, I'm not pregnant. Though it would be just my bloody luck after having gone through that damn op to make sure that we didn't. We tried, we couldn't, we moved on. I don't want to deal with that prospect now.

However, I am getting a brand new car! :D
I have never owned a car that was less than 10 years old. My first car was a Ford Laser that cost me $900 and lasted approxiamtely 9 months. After that I moved on my beloved Corollas and I have always found them to be reliable and hard working and I love them. No matter how old they were or how many kms they had done, if you take care of them they are so reliable.
My baby at the moment is just too sick. She is twenty years old now and has been so good to us but she needs a new starter motor, a new radiator, new suspension, the alarm fixed and an oil leak repaired that is near the cam belt so it's actually better to replace the whole motor instead (long story!). It's just getting too much.
So I convinced Christian to let me get a new baby and she arrives in two weeks! She a black Corolla seca (so the numberplates THRILSECA will actually make sense) and she is the fancy pants special edition Edge so she comes already kitted out with a spoiler and mags and body kit and a host of other fancy pants things that I would probably not bother with normally like bluetooth and fog lamps (I hate foglamps and think they're useless in sunny Aus). She's so pretty!
Once I get her I will post photos, most likely on facebook but if I am excited enough I may do a blog post as well.

And that's about it for now. Take care all and I hope all is well in your worlds.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A bit of this and a bit of that

After that last explosive post it took me a while to really feel like writing another post but I think it's finally time.
My life has settled down a bit. I'm currently working part time, doing night fill at one of the local supermarkets. Christian just wants me to have a break for a while and since we're not really struggling for cash, I'm taking advantage of having such a good break. I'm not too sure when I'll return to full time work but I think it won't be until mid next year. We're planning on having another Edinburgh Adventure next July/August and I don't think there's much point in starting a new job only to tell them I'll need four or five weeks off in a couple of months time. And Christmas will see me getting heaps of hours at work now so I'll pick up some extra money that way.

I've been keeping really busy during my spare time. I've been reading lots, doing a little bit of gardening (when the weather behaves) and I've been making lots of balls! I make handmade Christmas baubles and I've made about twenty so far. I plan on giving them away as gifts at Christmas and as they're rather time consuming, I have to start rather early on in the year.
Speaking of Christmas, I've gotten a nice head start on my Christmas shopping and hopefully I'll be nice and organised this year. I don't know if I was early enough to make sea mail for the overseas crowd but that doesn't matter too much. In the long run you only save a couple of dollars here and there.

The only other big news is that I've just had some minor surgery done. There's a bit of back story to it so I'll back track so you don't get lost.
At the end of last year Christian and I were told that we pretty much wouldn't be able to conceive naturally. IVF just wasn't an option for us since I'm not mentally equipped to deal with that whole thing and so we came to the decision that kids just weren't for us. We'd given it four long years of trying actively and it obviously wasn't meant to be. Now, we're not the sort of couple for whom kids are the be-all and end-all. Sure, it would have been nice but if for some reason we didn't have kids, then we'd cope. I didn't marry Christian for his sperm and he didn't marry me for me child-bearing hips! So we weren't that heart broken at the decision.
I suffer from rather nasty periods and I told Christian that as soon as we weren't actively trying I was going to go back on the pill so they'd settle down. Three weeks after being back on the pill and I had a really weird episode. My brain wasn't talking properly to my body. Barb noticed it when I was updating my facebook page. What I was thinking, I couldn't type. I had written something completely different to what I had thought I had written (and completely nonsensical). She ended up ringing me and I couldn't speak properly. When my arm started shaking that much that I couldn't hold my toothbrush, she came round and took me to the doctors.
Turns out I had a migraine that was rather severe, and apparently the chances of stroking with that type were 1000 to 1. Factor in my contraceptive and the chances were 100-1. So needless to say I was taken off the pill.
A few months later and I was off to hospital to have a laparoscopy done and also a Mirena inserted. And now I am all owey and sore and whiny, with a hole in my belly button and hole a little bit further down and lots of stitches! And I can't bend over and I can't have a bath and I feel like I'm ninety!

But I'll live and I'm sure it'll get better soon.

That turned out to be a bit rambly, didn't it? Hope it made some kind of sense! Oh and no, no photos of the stitches! That would scare too many people!

I'll try and update again soon.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Confessions of a Nettie

Some of you know the reason as to why I've been an almost complete internet hermit this year. Some of you don't. Some of you will still be my friends after you've heard, some of you won't. Some of you will think I deserve everything that was threatened, some of you won't.
Contrary to how my story will make me appear, I am at heart an honest person. After 'the big reveal' there have been very few people I've kept this from. I'm good at keeping other people's secrets but when it comes to my own, I'm pretty much an open book. I've made a huge mistake, took a road that I never thought I'd have taken, but you know what? I'm human and at the end of the day, I'm still me.

I'll just explain, shall I?

I had an affair.
Everyone inevitably asks 'why'. Well, that is a very hard question to answer. The people I've spoken to who have been in my situation (including my mother in law) all agree that it just happens. Honestly, I didn't go out and plan to cheat on my wonderful husband as my aim for the day. It wasn't on a list of 'Things to do before I die'. It wasn't one of my New Years resolutions. It just happened.
To sum it up, it pretty much started on New Years Eve, went on for four months. During that time I was ridiculously happy. I had two wonderful men who loved me - daggy, nerdy, ugly Annie. For someone who has no self esteem and no self confidence, it was a real boost.
But even though I was happy, I also was awfully guilty. For obvious reasons. Christian was my first everything, and above all that he's also my best friend. That was a big betrayal. I know that. God knows I know that. Everyone has pointed that out to me, numerous times but I was the first to know it.
Also I worked with his wife. We socialised. She wasn't the best of friends, was only there when it was convenient, lied and bitched but for someone like me who has the bad habit of choosing people who are the worst friends, she was still my friend. And even after all that has happened now and the fact that I despise her more than I have ever despised anyone, I know that what I did was wrong. I am the first person to admit that. The fact that she was a bad friend does not excuse what I did.

The 'big reveal' came about on Mother's Day. Christian and I had spent a wonderful day with our mums and had come home in the arvo. I was really upset about everything that had been happening, I hated the fact that I had been the worst wife in the world. I hated lying to him. So I broke down and broke his heart. I told him everything.
Obviously he was upset. But as Margaret (my mother in law) said to me, Christian is the most non-judgemental person on this planet. Without fail. He was wonderful. Yes, he was hurt. But he was more worried about me.
In hindsight, I can see why. I was a wreck. I didn't want to live. I had hurt the two people in this world who mattered most to me. Because in telling Christian I also broke someone else's heart. I knew that this world would be much better off without me and so I planned how I was going to exit it. The only thing that stopped me was two men forcing me to promise that I wouldn't do anything to hurt them further.
After all I had done, how could I break that promise?
And that's the only reason I'm still here.

The wife was told the next day and obviously she went ballistic. She told me if I ever walked into work again she would kill me. My boss offered me a transfer but the wife threatened to make my life a living hell if I stayed at the bank instead of resigning. So I quit.
I still got nasty txt messages and calls from her. And other people I'd worked with. I didn't respond to any of them. I know it might seem callous but I was dealing with my own issues.

Two months late, past midnight Christian and I were woken up by a txt message on my phone. It came from one of the other ladies I used to work with. It read 'You are the biggest whore ever u fucking slut'.
I figured that the wife and this lady were out together, probably drunk, and I ignored it. Then ten minutes later this one came through 'Hello fucker! You're a dirty slag who can't get your kicks out of your own marriage so you go and fuck up somebody eles's. You have depression and you deserve it you fucking fat ugly slut. I hope you suffer in your own self pity you fucking sex freak pig dog. You better take care of your frangipanis! Poison is my favourite word - you better believe it slag! Take care xx'

Now, I'd kind of had enough by this point. Sure, I had fucked up, I know what I did was wrong but when you threaten to bring poison to my home where I have dogs and nieces and nephews who play in my garden, I wasn't going to take that lying down.
So I went to the courts the next morning and applied for restraining orders against both of these women.
My pysch was estactic. I was finally standing up for myself. As she said, what I'd done was morally wrong, but I hadn't broken any laws. But they had. If they had just insulted me, I would have probably just taken it, but in a round about way they were threatening my pets and the kids I love most in this world. My older sister still isn't really talking to me since this. She doesn't understand why I applied for the orders, even though she won't let Darce come and see me here anymore for fear of the wife coming round while Darce is here. She thinks I deserve everything I got. A lot of people do. The amount of friends I've lost through this has really reminded me that people rarely are real friends.

Of course I have discovered those few people who have been unquestionably loyal to me and don't think our friendship is so easily thrown away over events that didn't involve them. Mouse I knew all along would be my most supportive friend. And she was. My friends here, Mike and Mel have been wonderful. My mother in law has been a rock as has my cousin Ian. As for my other friends and family, a lot of them have been great, but the undercurrents of disapproval are so strong. There has been so much anger.

Anyway, we went to the initial court date, they ended up signing Written Undertakings so they could avoid a costly court battle and now they have to leave me alone for a year.

And my life is finally settling down a bit.

I know inevitably I will get spammy-type comments from random strangers on here calling me a slut and a whore. Save your breath. I've heard it all before. Besides, unless you're a complete angel who has never made a single mistake, you'll just prove a hypocite. I'm not seeking absolution from this blog post. I don't think anyone has the right to offer or withold that. All this is was an explanation as to why I haven't been around this year.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bananas, Pyjamas and Literature

Well, how crap am I? Here I am, proclaiming in my last post for the whole world to see that I will be more dedicated to the upkeep of this blog.
Ah well, you're a forgiving lot ;-)

So what's been happening lately? Not a lot. But in true Nettie fashion I'll pad that out until it's a nice rambling blog post! lol

I'm currently putting my will power to the test every time I leave the house in the effort to come home without a new pair of jarmies. I think most of you know by now that I have a pyjama fetish, the problem being at the moment that I only have nine pairs, five of which are summer ones and it's only really when I get up to about 12 or 13 pairs that I normally start thinking 'Right, that's probably as many as you can REALLY justify having'.
So every time I leave the house, I'm bombarded on all sides by cute animals, brushed flannelette and four-piece combos. And considering mother's day is just around the corner, they're all horribly reduced. To say my will power is being exercised more than my flabby body would be rather accurate :(

Unfortunately, for some reason the fates are just not inclined to let me actually get to the gym this week. I've (for once) been motivated but something always happens that prevents me from actually getting there.
Take yesterday for instance. Work was flat out and we were very late getting out. It had been awfully busy, as it generally is after a public holiday and one of the tellers had an error that we were looking for. It was half five and I was thinking to myself that perhaps I could maybe skip the gym today when my mind pulled itself together and gave me a mental arse kicking. You will go to the gym today! So I headed to the loos with my gear and proceeded to get changed.
Cue mental dialogue.
'Hmm, that's odd, my sport's bra is damp. But it came straight from the mammoth pile of clean washing covering my bed...I'm sure it was dry when it came off the line. Oh well...oi, hang on a sec, my shirt is wet too! What the flip is going on? Maybe my water spilt in my bag? Ewww, what's that funny smell? Is that banana? Why can I small banana? Oh, that's why, there's a liquefied banana in the bottom of my bag! How long's that been there? Oh well, so you'll smell like a banana, big deal, you've gotten this far, don't back out of the gym now!'
Five minutes later I'm dressed and heading out the door when I noticed that my left armpit was in tremendous pain.
'What friggin now??? Oh, my bra wire is stabbing me. *sigh*'

I don't know how many of you are like me but I cannot exercise without a sports bra. It's dangerous not only to myself but to everyone else in the immediate vicinity. So yesterday I didn't make it to the gym...
Today I spent my lunch break searching for a new sports bra. Apparently the entire town has sold out of 16E sports bras! How many women are walking around this joint with size 16E boobs??? Honestly???
Throw in on top of that a nice little head cold and today I didn't get to the gym either.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for coffee.
Who knows about Friday!


There's always the weekend!

Apart from not updating my blog, not going to the gym, not getting on the forum and not buying pyjamas, I've been reading a lot :)
I can't be bothered looking up links for all of these so I'm just going to list them and if you want you can google them.

The Mortal Instrument Trilogy by Cassandra Clare
The Host, Stephenie Meyer (which I thought was even better than Twlight)
Hydra, an SG1 book
Dark Lord of Derkholm by Dianna Wynn Jones
Howl's Moving Castle also by Wynn Jones
Watermellon my Marian Keyes
Several Footrot Flats Comics
Mirror Mirror, SGA book
And I've just bought The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks.

Some fairly good reasons to be anti social ;-)

Take care guys, I promise to try and update again soon!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just one example of me being daft

There are times - fairly frequent times actually, that I'm pretty sure Christian just looks at me and ponders the atrocious bad luck he suffered to end up being married to me. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me, but let's be honest, I'm not the smartest cookie in the barrel. Or even on the shelf. And Christian is. I'm sure I've pointed out before that he would be most people's Phone A Friend.
I just feel sometimes that at the end of the day he may have been better off marrying someone who is not quite as dense as me.
And just to give you the full demonstration, here is a conversation we had a dinner yesterday.

Me: (reading the salt container) Holy shit, our salt expired in 2006!!!
Christian: And?
Me: 2006!
Christian: I repeat, and???
Me: That was ages ago, I mean it's probably all icky and stuff by now.
Christian: It's salt. What exactly do you think would happen to it?
Me: I dunno, go mouldy or something.
Christian: (with a 'look' and speaking in a tone suitable for a five year old) You don't see the ocean going mouldy do you?

So if anyone knows of a cute, single, Nobel prize winning chick, preferably with perky boobs (in other words the complete opposite of me) let me know so I can introduce them ;-)

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Change of priorities

I guess a lot has happened in the past couple of months that has completely changed my priorities in life. I was on one path before but now I've had to do a bit of a U turn and head in the opposite direction.

Basically, Christian and I have been told it's almost impossible for us to conceive naturally and so our baby plans are off. The few people I've told about this have all then jumped down my throat wanting to know why we're not doing IVF and going on adoption lists and whatnot, all almost frantic that we get a child somehow.

So I guess it comes as a bit of a surprise to most people when I tell them that I'm really very fine about this outcome. I guess four years of fertility treatment gives the mistaken impression that having a child is the be all and end all of my life.

It isn't.

Out of the two of us, Christian is the one who wanted a child the most. I wasn't against the idea, but I also didn't feel that yearning need most women do. I wanted to have a baby because I knew it would make Christian happy and I would do anything to make him happy. But we've always said that if we couldn't, then we would accept that and move on. It's each other we love, and no matter how nice a child would be, our marriage isn't going to fall apart because we can't have a baby. I'm not mentally equipped to deal with IVF (setting myself up for that amount of failure is bound to leave me more mental than I already am) and so I won't go down that path. And if I'm not prepared to do that then why would I look to adopt? Let's leave that option for those couples who really want a baby.

I guess it's taken me quite a while to get to this point and to really accept that I'm fine with it. The clincher came when a girl at work announced she was pregnant and I felt so happy for her. Honestly I was over the moon. I know that deep down, if there were any vestiges of longing for a baby left in me, I would not have been that happy, there would have been some jealousy and some envy there too, no matter how small. But there wasn't.
And that settled it for me.

I've gone back on the pill, mainly to try and make that time of the month somewhat more bearable. It may be selfish but I just can't handle the sheer amount of pain and mess and agony I go through. I know that by doing this it's essentially turning my back on the slim hope that we would ever have a baby, that chance, no matter how minute, that we would actually conceive like so many other couples do when they've given up hope.
I was upset when I made the decision to go back on the pill. I was sure Christian would hate me for ever, that he would never get the chance to be a daddy and to love his own child so much more than his Dad ever did. But he has been wonderful, as usual. He wants what's best for me and I know it's hard for him to be on the receiving end of my pms and to watch me curl up into a little ball for five days declaring how much I wish I was a man. And at the end of the day, we'll still have each other and that's the most important thing to us.

And so what now? What direction will our lives take?

Hopefully lots! Without having to work around a baby or school terms, we can travel. Our immediate plans are saving for a trip to NZ but I'd also like to make return visits to the UK and also see my Dad again, maybe dropping down to the US to visit my friends there.
Also, with both of us working fulltime we'll be able to pay off the house faster than we'd hoped. Who knows, maybe when that's done I can drop down to part time and really focus on my writing? I've always dreamed of being an author but have never had the time. Maybe I will get a chance in this lifetime?

The opportunites are endless.

And I'm really happy.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Nettie Natterings in the New Year

Ok, so I know it's already February and I haven't done a post as yet. I also know that I've been extremely lacking in my mod duties over at MoH and even worse at getting onto the forums to chat with you lot. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I've been...busy. Kind of.

I guess the only excuse I have is I'm going through one of those points in life where sitting all night in front of the computer seems like a poor way to be spending my time when I have so much else on. It happens, I'm the first to admit it but please know that it's not out of a lack of love for my mates online, it's just sometimes priorities change. I shall endeavour to make sure that even if my time on the forum doesn't increase much, my blog posts do.

Is that a good enough explanation to stop me from getting lynched? I surely hope so...;-)

Ok, so what's been happening in the life of Nettie?
Hmmm, I must say that the start to the year has been great. I'm in a very, very happy place at the moment. It's been a good long while since I've felt this happy and I'm very much liking it.
Christmas was hectic as usual for our family. I spoiled everyone rotten which is how I like it. We spent most of the day with family and it was good to catch up with the extended rellies since it makes me remember why I avoid them for the rest of the year lol. Kidding. Sort of. Only about most of them - there's a few I can stand.

I was given Twilight for Christmas and so on Boxing Day I took advantage of the city being open to go and buy the next two books (yes, it is a novelty that any of our shops are open on Boxing Day). I got home mid afternoon and proceeded to spend a solid eleven hours devouring Twilight and New Moon. The following day I read Eclipse and then went and saw the movie before begging Christian to call in at a late night book store when he was out at Minimal Exposure that night to buy me Breaking Dawn. I read that on the Sunday.
I'm sure you can guess that I kind of liked the series :) I must say I had a hard time trying not to point out all the similarities between this series and the Sookie Stackhouse novels but at the end of the day I love both series so I can live with them.

New Year was spent at Jo and Myles' place and I had heaps of fun. Christian was going to drink but then had the work phone so he had a couple but couldn't get blind drunk with me. So that was left up to Myles and me. Myles is a very fun person to get drunk with, even though he isn't a people person as such we get on quite well but it really broke the ice between us I guess. Up until then I think he just saw me as his wife's friend but after that night we can be called friends in our own right. I like making friends :)

So New Years Day I spent mainly in bed. I wasn't actually hung over but I didn't get to bed until half four since I was being introduced to Little Britain and then I was up and about at eight. Needless to say by the time I got home I was exhausted.

Not much else has happened since then but somehow I'm keeping busy. Work has been ok apart from one disastrous week I spent as Team Leader. It really reminded me why I got out of management in the first place. I'm hoping for a bit of a change around in the roles since I'm doing training at the moment and I'd really like to go back into BEDS but we'll have to wait and see if that will happen or not.

I'm back to playing squash, trying to go to the gym but keep getting sick so that's not been very regular (although hopefully this week it will get back on track) and apart from that just busy with friends and my family.

It's a pretty boring update I suppose but it's an update nonetheless. Hope you guys are all well, I do miss you all and as I said I shall try and keep the updates coming.