Friday, August 14, 2009

Confessions of a Nettie

Some of you know the reason as to why I've been an almost complete internet hermit this year. Some of you don't. Some of you will still be my friends after you've heard, some of you won't. Some of you will think I deserve everything that was threatened, some of you won't.
Contrary to how my story will make me appear, I am at heart an honest person. After 'the big reveal' there have been very few people I've kept this from. I'm good at keeping other people's secrets but when it comes to my own, I'm pretty much an open book. I've made a huge mistake, took a road that I never thought I'd have taken, but you know what? I'm human and at the end of the day, I'm still me.

I'll just explain, shall I?

I had an affair.
Everyone inevitably asks 'why'. Well, that is a very hard question to answer. The people I've spoken to who have been in my situation (including my mother in law) all agree that it just happens. Honestly, I didn't go out and plan to cheat on my wonderful husband as my aim for the day. It wasn't on a list of 'Things to do before I die'. It wasn't one of my New Years resolutions. It just happened.
To sum it up, it pretty much started on New Years Eve, went on for four months. During that time I was ridiculously happy. I had two wonderful men who loved me - daggy, nerdy, ugly Annie. For someone who has no self esteem and no self confidence, it was a real boost.
But even though I was happy, I also was awfully guilty. For obvious reasons. Christian was my first everything, and above all that he's also my best friend. That was a big betrayal. I know that. God knows I know that. Everyone has pointed that out to me, numerous times but I was the first to know it.
Also I worked with his wife. We socialised. She wasn't the best of friends, was only there when it was convenient, lied and bitched but for someone like me who has the bad habit of choosing people who are the worst friends, she was still my friend. And even after all that has happened now and the fact that I despise her more than I have ever despised anyone, I know that what I did was wrong. I am the first person to admit that. The fact that she was a bad friend does not excuse what I did.

The 'big reveal' came about on Mother's Day. Christian and I had spent a wonderful day with our mums and had come home in the arvo. I was really upset about everything that had been happening, I hated the fact that I had been the worst wife in the world. I hated lying to him. So I broke down and broke his heart. I told him everything.
Obviously he was upset. But as Margaret (my mother in law) said to me, Christian is the most non-judgemental person on this planet. Without fail. He was wonderful. Yes, he was hurt. But he was more worried about me.
In hindsight, I can see why. I was a wreck. I didn't want to live. I had hurt the two people in this world who mattered most to me. Because in telling Christian I also broke someone else's heart. I knew that this world would be much better off without me and so I planned how I was going to exit it. The only thing that stopped me was two men forcing me to promise that I wouldn't do anything to hurt them further.
After all I had done, how could I break that promise?
And that's the only reason I'm still here.

The wife was told the next day and obviously she went ballistic. She told me if I ever walked into work again she would kill me. My boss offered me a transfer but the wife threatened to make my life a living hell if I stayed at the bank instead of resigning. So I quit.
I still got nasty txt messages and calls from her. And other people I'd worked with. I didn't respond to any of them. I know it might seem callous but I was dealing with my own issues.

Two months late, past midnight Christian and I were woken up by a txt message on my phone. It came from one of the other ladies I used to work with. It read 'You are the biggest whore ever u fucking slut'.
I figured that the wife and this lady were out together, probably drunk, and I ignored it. Then ten minutes later this one came through 'Hello fucker! You're a dirty slag who can't get your kicks out of your own marriage so you go and fuck up somebody eles's. You have depression and you deserve it you fucking fat ugly slut. I hope you suffer in your own self pity you fucking sex freak pig dog. You better take care of your frangipanis! Poison is my favourite word - you better believe it slag! Take care xx'

Now, I'd kind of had enough by this point. Sure, I had fucked up, I know what I did was wrong but when you threaten to bring poison to my home where I have dogs and nieces and nephews who play in my garden, I wasn't going to take that lying down.
So I went to the courts the next morning and applied for restraining orders against both of these women.
My pysch was estactic. I was finally standing up for myself. As she said, what I'd done was morally wrong, but I hadn't broken any laws. But they had. If they had just insulted me, I would have probably just taken it, but in a round about way they were threatening my pets and the kids I love most in this world. My older sister still isn't really talking to me since this. She doesn't understand why I applied for the orders, even though she won't let Darce come and see me here anymore for fear of the wife coming round while Darce is here. She thinks I deserve everything I got. A lot of people do. The amount of friends I've lost through this has really reminded me that people rarely are real friends.

Of course I have discovered those few people who have been unquestionably loyal to me and don't think our friendship is so easily thrown away over events that didn't involve them. Mouse I knew all along would be my most supportive friend. And she was. My friends here, Mike and Mel have been wonderful. My mother in law has been a rock as has my cousin Ian. As for my other friends and family, a lot of them have been great, but the undercurrents of disapproval are so strong. There has been so much anger.

Anyway, we went to the initial court date, they ended up signing Written Undertakings so they could avoid a costly court battle and now they have to leave me alone for a year.

And my life is finally settling down a bit.

I know inevitably I will get spammy-type comments from random strangers on here calling me a slut and a whore. Save your breath. I've heard it all before. Besides, unless you're a complete angel who has never made a single mistake, you'll just prove a hypocite. I'm not seeking absolution from this blog post. I don't think anyone has the right to offer or withold that. All this is was an explanation as to why I haven't been around this year.


Smerk said...


I'm glad I know the whole story, now.

I'm still slightly surprised that such events have taken place, but I couldn't condemn you for it. You're a wonderful, lovable person, and I am happy to be able to call you a friend.

Hieronymous Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hieronymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad I now know why you went to court!

I'd like to think I was supportive, but it was a shock when you told me, and I might have come across as non-supportive. I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I love you, and you are my best friend.

As I said when you told me, I believe it's an issue between you and Christian, and the guy and his wife.
What the wife and her friends then went on to do was unforgivable, and I think you were utterly right in getting a court order to keep them the hell away from you!

(Also, my word verification is 'delerias', which, I believe, is a spell from Harry Potter.)

Mouse said...

You know I love you no matter what.

Shawna said...

*hugs* I agree with Boo, Smerk, and Mouse. It surprised me when you told me about it, but you definitely don't deserve to have your life or the lives of your loved ones threatened over it.

I love you too, hon, and the world would *not* be better off without you. I'm glad you're still here, because otherwise, how would I get to come and meet you? (How's that for making it all about me? lol)

Not much else to say that hasn't been said. Love ya. :)

Gray said...

Not to worry Nettie, we still love ya. I have been in that situation before myself. It is not pretty and everyone handles it differently. As long as everything is ok with you and Christian it will be ok in the end. You have friends who will always care about you and no one can take that away from you. hugsssssssssssssssss

Tah said...

Aw, Nettie. I'm shocked and surprised. I'm flabbergasted and speechless.

I'm very glad you're still here and don't hold anything against you. (We don't want another angry wife, after all.)

"It just happened" is true, I know. Not from my own personal experience, but from enough personal experience with people close to me in my life.

I'll always be here for you and will always be your friend.


MadCarlotta said...

People are complicated, so it stands to reason that relationships would be even more so.

I'm glad that you and Christian are working things out.

And I don't think less of you for this. :)


DavePrime said...


Thank you for being brave enough to share with us what happened.

It is difficult when we find ourselves doing those things that we NEVER thought we could possibly do. When the dust settles, all we can do is pick up the pieces and endeavor to be a better person from now on.

Lots of hugs from this stranger on the other side of the world. I have come close to doing what you have done and there is no judgement from me. :)

If you are up and bumbling around the house at 2am or so look me up. I will probably be doing the same thing....

Again *HUGS*


Anonymous said...

I feel for you Nettie. You know how screwed up my life became after my go with LRHG. It happened despite the fact that she "wasn't like that".

We sometimes seek out the comfort of someone else when we are not getting our needs met at home.

I care about you and consider you a friend. Oppiejoe