Thursday, December 08, 2005

Dilemmas, dilemmas

I have a friend at the moment who has split up with his wife in the last couple of months.

Problem is, I'm not really supposed to know about it. This guy (who I won't name because there's a chance people who know him may read this, I'll call him Bill) is a really good friend of my husband and I. Christian has known him since the beginning of high school and I met him through Christian.

Bill and his wife have been together for years (almost as long as Christian and I have been) and no one really had any idea what was going on. Unfortunately due to distances between where we live, we don't see him very often so we mainly catch up on the internet or via sms. A while ago Christian started to get a bit worried as Bill wasn't rerurning calls or texting back. Another friend (well call him Fred) went to see Bill and was told all about the breakup. Bill was in a really bad state and Fred was really worried, so he went to Christian for advice.

Now, we can debate over the moral issues of Fred telling Christian this for hours, but Fred was really worried and he really thought this was in Bill's best interests so I'm not going to discuss it any further.

Christian and Fred took Bill out for the day to cheer him up but it didn't really work and he seems to be getting really bad. We had a phonecall from Fred last night and he was saying that Bill had called him, really drunk and saying he wanted to just end it all and he couldn't live without his wife.

Now, I am really worried too and I wanted Christian to call Bill and make sure he's ok, but Christian says that he can't, because officially he doesn't know about it. I sent Bill an sms asking him to come over for Christmas but haven't heard anything back yet.

I just don't know what to do. Should we respect Bill's privacy and his wish for no one to know, or should I go bang down his door and make sure he's ok. I just don't want him doing anything silly and I also want him to know that there are people who love him and are thinking about him.

*sigh*

I know I'll end up respecting his wishes and will stay quiet, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I don't want to look back in hindsight after something terrible has happened and think 'Maybe I could have made a difference'.

10 comments:

smerk said...

Ick...I dunno what you should do! I'd say, yeah run over there and make sure he's alright, but then again, say no, because you're not supposed to know about it. But I'm leaning more to yes.

Sorry, I'm not much help!

Hieronymus Anonymous said...

Can Christian get hold of Fred and get him to see if Bill's ok?

And Christian could always phone Bill 'for a chat' or something, and if he's that bad, chances are that it'll be obvious over the phone, and Christian could ask about it...

ScarletManuka said...

That's what I thought Boo but men being men, Christian isn't that worried...

Hieronymus Anonymous said...

Oh, for goodness sake.

ScarletManuka said...

*sigh*
I just hope Bill (I feel so stupid using fake names...) feels better soon. But me being me, I can't help but worry. I'm a little worrywort!

Charybdis said...

Just go see him and talk to him. It makes no difference if you should 'officially' know or not, it's not like it's a big secret. Geeze, this shouldn't even be an issue.

ScarletManuka said...

Actually Chary, it is a big secret. Even his mum and dad don't know. The only person he has told is Fred. So, it is an issue.

Charybdis said...

No it isn't. You know, so it's your responsibility to make sure that everything's okay. Secrets don't matter in such a situation.

LaMa said...

I completely agree with Charybdis. If he is talking of ending it all, and such talk is not his normal habit, just be careful. Especially when after that, he falls silent.

Friends can be very important in such conditions, and make all of a difference (I know all too well: I've been there...). So check him out, say you just are worried and sense something's wrong. Quite probably he'll tell you what's the matter then.

Mort said...

I'm with Chary too, what's ultimately more important? His well being or what is potentially a very poorly kept, and irrelevant secret? Besides he already knows that Christian knows, so he's probably aware that Christian would tell you, you being his wife and all.