Thursday, May 20, 2010

What gives you the right???

Every now and then something will happen to me and I'll just sit back and think 'Did that really just happen'.

This occurred yesterday when I went to check my Facebook page and found I had a message waiting for me from a lady I worked with when I first started at the bank. As happens with probably the majority of people's FB friends, I had very little contact with this lady, saw the odd one or two of her updates but never commented or posted on her wall. She was just there, a virtual acquaintance. I hadn't worked with her in a number of years and apart from FB, I didn't have any contact with her whatsoever in the real world.

When I checked the message all it had was a frowny face. I was a little confused and thought I would check her wall to see if it would shed any light on the matter. I found a status update from last week saying (and I'm doing this from memory, I didn't save it) 'Just found out that a lady I used to work with had an affair with a co-workers hubby. And you think you know people! Well, Karma is a bitch, especially to sluts who do stuff like that'.
A few people had commented, begging for a name and the lady had said 'No names ladies but I'm sure that when the slut in question reads this she'll know exactly who she is.'

Ahhhh! thought I, I never saw that status and apparently after getting no reaction she thought she'd send me a enigmatic message so I would find it.

Now on principle, I haven't replied to any of the nasty messages I received during all of this but I felt like I had to respond to this one. Why? Well this lady wasn't at the branch I was at when all of this happened. She was on maternity leave I think. Apparently she had only transferred to that branch a couple of weeks ago. And I couldn't help but ask myself 'What gives her the right to judge me on something that a) happened a year ago and b) didn't involve her at all, in any capacity since she wasn't even a co-worker of the people involved.
I was rather pissed to be honest. I had thought that after a year it would be safe to turn on my computer without getting harassed every second.

So I replied. At length. I'll just summarise it here since it really is too long to do in full.
I asked her if she had ever made a mistake before because apparently I am the only person in the history of the world to have done so judging by the reactions I have had. I then went on to dispel all the false rumours I knew had been spread about me. No, I haven't broken up any other marriages, no I hadn't tried to sleep with every man who had worked at the bank and considering I've only slept with two men in my entire life I'm hardly a slut. I told her that I didn't do what I did out of spite or viciousness, it just happened and I am truly sorry for the hurt I caused but at the end of the day it is no one else's business and people need to keep their noses out from where they don't belong. I will not tolerate any more abuse or threats towards me or my family and then I said I had deleted her from my account and I hoped she had a happy life.

I got back this.
'Well I didn't expect such a full on response but just for the record no one has been gossiping about you, I only found out last week I think in error & all I can say I was shocked, I truly was stunned & I've struggled with it over the past few days, I hope that you & your husband deal with it, I hope it's something you have learnt from & I do truly believe that you AREN'T a spiteful person. If you have been threatened I am sorry that your family has been, I haven't heard anything like that or do I know who would so such a thing, I don't believe that is the right way to deal with anything, I haven't mentioned your name on facebook, I don't believe that is the action anyone should take or do, I would never try to upset you on purpose either, the whole situation saddened me. I do wish you well though, so take from that what you will & I guess in closing have a happy life too.....'

I know this is turning into a bit of a rant but honestly! She didn't expect such a full on response??? Did she just expect to be able to say whatever she damn well pleases and not expect a reaction? I felt like replying back and addressing some if the things she mentioned (like the fact that this all happened a YEAR ago - Christian and I have already dealt with it!) but in the end I didn't think it was worth the hassle.
I've blocked her entirely now like I have done with all the people at the bank, but I honestly hadn't even thought of blocking her before since I didn't know she would take it upon herself to get involved. I toyed with the idea of having as a status update 'I had an affair a year ago. For those of you who didn't know and would like to send a nasty message, please do so now and just get it over with. Thankyou' but I'm sure that's not the best idea lol.

Gah, I'm just so miffed by this whole thing, it just seems some days that I would have been better off committing genocide or something. I'm sure people wouldn't have kicked up anywhere near as much fuss then...probably because they'd be either dead or too scared of me but that's beside the point! At least I'd have some sort of a chance of getting my life back on track. I guess what most people don't realise is that no matter how hard they are on me, I've been hardest on myself. I know I did an awful, unforgivable thing but what's done is done, I can't go back and change things and no amount of abuse will change that.

So just give it a damn rest.


Mouse said...

I think that people should keep their noses out of stuff that's none of their damn business! ;-)


bibliocycle said...

Ok I know this is a bit strange but I came across your comments somewhere regarding the Range View Hotel in Perth. I'm in the U.S. and my 19 year old daughter has been offered a job there. She is looking for work while she travels AU. After reading your post I am really worried about her working there. Can you tell me a little more what it is like? She is in Adelaide right now getting ready to go there. Thank you!

MadCarlotta said...

I'm just boggled at the idea that outsiders to the situation could get so emotionally wrapped up in the situation. I can understand the co-worker's friends rushing to her defense, but honestly, this pearl clutching is over the top!

If I found out so-and-so at my job had an affair with another so-and-so's husband, I can't imagine getting all indignant and preachy about it, calling parties involved sluts and so forth. It's excessive and it is inappropriate.

I HAVE found out about affairs involving people I know, and while sometimes (not always) it does come as a shock, I always figure there were things going on that I didn't know about, that there were two sides to the story, and that it is none of my goddamn business what goes on in another person's marriage!

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were living in a small southern US town. In the 1950s.


PS, the previous comment made me lol so hard. No offense bibliocycle. It was just so random. :)

NEO said...

I would almost imagine she is some type of "christian" dedicated to pointing out all wrongs in the world.

None of her business or anyone else who wasn't directly involved. And by this time I would think everything that needed said or wanted to be said should have been said and dropped. Everyone makes mistakes, and it isn't her business.