Okie, one thing that I didn't actually mention about our last Concept appointment is that I've been referred to the Clincal Psychologist at King Eddie.
When we were talking to the doctor about my weight I was explaining how I'd come to a standstill with my weight loss because work was shit and I was feeling stressed and all I wanted to do was head home and not go to the gym. Well that led on to more questions and in the end it all came out - my anxiety attack, the fact I've resigned at work, feeling stressed, panicking about being late all the time, feeling really down about not being able to have kids, worrying about the future, stressing because I've had to take so much time off work for blood tests etc etc.
She asked if I had always been a worrier and I told her that yes, ever since I was little I always worried about everything and turned into a right little stresshead. She suggested that she'd give me a referral to the Psychologist to help me work through my worries and thought that it would be helpful for me in everyday life as well as well as with the whole baby making process.
At this point she left the room to go and catch the dietician before she left and I burst into tears. I sobbed to Christian that it was all my fault that we hadn't had kids yet and if I wasn't such a big fat lazy slob we'd already be parents. Christian tried to calm me down all the while telling me that thoughts like this didn't help my worry levels. The doctor walks back into the room, takes one look at me and goes 'So yeah, I'm definitely going to give you that referral.'
I was really worried about telling my mum this news because Mum can be a little funny when it comes to stuff like this. Mum is a PCA (Patient Care Assistant) at the local mental health unit and she sees the end scenarios of people with a few mental issues. I don't think she has had a lot of experience with the events leading up to being institutionalised and so if you mention that you're seeing a psychologist she worries that the next day she'll be serving me lunch on the secure side.
Mum's reaction was just like I'd expected. 'Oh God, oh that's not good, oh, you know how I feel about shrinks'.
Me - 'Mum, I'm talking to a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, there's a difference.'
Mum - 'I know that!
Me - 'Then what is the problem with me trying to get some help for my obvious issues?'
Mum ' All I'm saying is you be careful what you say! You don't want to go down that road with pills and stuff.'
Me - 'For crying out loud woman, I'm just talking to someone!'
Aaaah, it's impossible!
Anyway, so my referral came in the mail the other day and asked me to make an appointment. I think I will do so but I don't know how much it's going to cost and with me now not earning a full income I may not be able to go to many sessions. Hopefully in the ones I do go to I'll learn how to deal with my stress levels a bit better than I am now and keep my panic under control.
So what do I have to lose? I guess the worst that can happen is them not being successful and I'll lay awake at night worrying about it. Neyh, nothing new!