I've been feeling rather down lately.
The day after my wedding, actor Jonathan Brandis committed suicide, the reason is still unknown.
Now, this was several years ago, but it still pains me. I was a huge fan when I was younger, not just because of his drooly good looks, but I thought he was a wonderful actor and his love of writing mirrored my own.
I found out about his death a couple of months after the event, and I was rather shocked. It just seemed so out of the blue.
Anyhow, I've been watching SeaQuest DSV lately (I'm ignoring whatever comments you may make Chary) and it's really wierd. It's really hard to come to terms with the fact that the person I'm watching is now dead. I just can't get my head around it. And I've always had this problem with death. For the longest time after someone dies, it feels like they've gone on holiday or something. I just can't accept that they're gone forever.
I think that perhaps this is because I've never actually seen a dead body before. I've never been to a viewing, never come across a car accident, never been with anyone as they peacefully pass away in their hospital bed. My mother tells me that you just know when someone leaves their body, you can actaully sense that they have departed from this world and left an empty shell behind. Perhaps this is why I have trouble accepting the loss of a loved one - because I've never seen what they leave behind.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm a bit odd or not, having the death of someone I've never met affect me so. Maybe I can just analyse my feeling better when it's not so personal?
So, here's to the memory of Jonathan Brandis. May you finally find where you are now, that which you could not find here.