Friday, May 04, 2012

On the up and up

I know posts about my depression can be, well, depressing but this time it's actually good news.

It's been about six weeks since I cut last. I thought it was longer (looking at the scars you'd think so anyway) but it was about the time Christian left his job so the math says otherwise. I had upped my anti mental pills but since I've been staying firmly on the wagon I've decided to cut it back to the half dose for now. I can always up them again if need be but for now it will be nice to cut back on the side effects.

I'm definitely feeling much better. I still have my bad days and last week I probably would have cut again except for Coles foiling my plan by no longer selling blade refills. That was a good thing though because I got to work and talked it through with Lynette and the feeling passed. I'm hoping I can break the habit if I can keep postponing the self harm.

My self esteem is low as always but perhaps not scraping the bottom of the barrel at the moment. That is my biggest issue and one that I think will plague me for some time to come. It's weird. I know I'm loved by my friends and family and I know they think I'm beautiful. I just can't see it. But isn't being able to recognise that others think so the first step?

I'm going to share an article I read the other day which I also shared on FB but it's so good, I want everyone to read it. For those of you who also have depression, you'll relate. For those of you who don't, it's a great insight into how talking about it can be hard. I find I can talk about it quite easily but I know for others who are more private it's hard to break through that stigma.

Just some food for thought.

1 comment:

Mouse said...

I'm glad you're feeling better at the moment, and I'm glad you know that we love you, mental or not. ;-)