Lights, camera, action!

Hello all :)

First of, just to start off with some cuteness, here is a picture I took of Molly. She's utterly adorable but I must admit, I felt very sad when I took this photo. I was chatting to Flora on the phone and we were talking about Molly and when I took the photo I noticed just how much she's now showing her age. We very quickly changed the subject because we both got upset and were almost in tears.


On the weekend Christian and I decided to go shopping for some light fittings (by decided I mean I said 'Let's do this' and he went 'Whatever') .
We've been in the house for roughly four years and it's been one of those things I've said we need to do for ages and we've just not got around to doing.
The house did come with some el cheapo fittings but they a) looked horrid b) set on fire easily and c) nope, looking horrid and setting on fire were enough reason for me!

We looked at a couple of the big lighting stores and eventually found our way to a small little store tucked away in some shops on the highway. As soon as we walked in, it kind of felt we'd been transported to someone's Nan's attic or a little antique shop. It was absolutely cluttered as the shop was tiny but they'd tried to display as much as they could.
The ladies there were very lovely and we ended up buying from there, mainly because the service was unbeatable.

These are the basic fittings we got for rooms that didn't need fancy lights; the study, bathroom, laundry and toilet.
The glass is frosted and has a swirly kind of pattern on it.


We got these ones for the kitchen, dining room and random area in middle (technically the dining room but it's too small for a table so we put the dining table in the 'games' room which is too small to be a games room...).
It's kind of hard to see the pattern in this photo but like the previous fittings, these are frosted but the design almost looks like there are cracks through the glass.


And finally, our 'balls of string'. They're actually made of wood and we bought these for our bedroom, the loungeroom and the entry...hall? space? meter squared bit you stand in before it becomes either the lounge or bedroom?
Anyways, so we bought the last three the lady had boxed and as we were paying at the cashier, she climbed up and took down the display model, plonked it on the counter and said 'No point me trying to sell one, happy housewarming!'.
I was just over the moon, it was so nice of her. So that one went in the spare bedroom instead of one of the plain ones.


This is ball of string lit up.


Because the bedrooms are smaller than the lounge, the light actually throws shadows on the wall. I think it's awfully pretty :)


We also bought a full length mirror which is great as it means I no longer have to go outside and try to catch my reflection in the window if I want to see how an outfit looks. We just have to mount that on the back of the bedroom door as soon as Christian nicks some double sided tape from work!

Hurrah for getting small things done!

Happy last year on Earth...

Hello 2012! Nice to finally meet you. Doomsday theorists have been speaking about you for so long I almost felt like you were a friend that everyone else knows but I never get to meet!
But at last we meet and to be honest, I'm not quite sure what all the hooha is about. Maybe it'll sink in when I finally stop accidentally writing 2011, or perhaps when December the 22nd rolls round and the theorists suddenly admit they made a calculation error and it's actually going to be 2015 the world ends.

Or maybe you won't be any different to any other year.

What am I saying??? Forgive me 2012, you will go down in history for me I'm sure, because there are some exciting things happening during you.

First of all, let's discuss those pesky things called resolutions. I made two this year but have kept to my tradition of making them small, simple things.

The first is a continuation of last years resolution which was to make a more concerted effort to keep in touch with my friends. This could mean making a regular coffee date, emailing more frequently or just sending a txt to say 'Hey, how's things.'

The second is to do my dishes more regularly. Simple really - I'm a freaking slob!

Also happening this year is the stair climb I spoke about in my last blog post. I've started a healthy eating and exercise program already in order to get prepared for that. I haven't made that a resolution however since I find they get broken too easily. Christian and I have also started a '100 pushups in 7 weeks' training program which will be interesting...

The most exciting thing planned for this year however is Flora and Matt are coming to visit! :D
I am so excited it's just not funny. You'd think by now I'd be calmer - it's not like it's the first time we've met or anything. But it seems to be that the more times I get to meet up with them, the more excited I get.
We've already started making lots of plans, including a trip to Rottnest Island where we're planning to do some telescoping, snorkeling and dog paddling frantically away from sharks.
We're also going to head up to York for the day, play Supergolf, catch up with Smerk, have an epic birthday party for Flora and go for a behind-the-scenes tour at the zoo.

So I apologise now for being unbearable to be around in the lead up to their visit.

It's just I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Goals and adventures

Several months ago a girlfriend and I were walking and she told me that every year she does the MS Stair Climb (link is refusing to work http://www.stepupforms.org.au/event-information.html ) which is a vertical challenge event involving 53 stories, 1096 stairs and lots of sweat and tears. She asked if I would like to do it with her next year and I said yes, of course, why not???

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah wtf was I thinking??? lol

Seriously, I am looking forward to the event since I've never actually set myself this kind of goal before. Yes I've said I'll exercise to lose weight or get fit but fitting into a smaller dress size has always been the goal, not the doing of the activity itself.

Now I am unfit. Soooooo unfit. And lately it seems every time I start to motivate myself to start training again, something happens, I get sick or there's a family emergency or my mental health goes down the drain. There always seems to be one excuse after another. But if I am to do this stair climb, I am going to have seriously start training and soon.

In King's Park in the city there is a flight of stairs up the hill called Jacob's ladder which is roughly 240 stairs and the place to start training.
Unfortunately everyone else knows this and wants to be there at the same time and so it's crowded and busy and you get pushed along at a pace that is much faster than an unfit person should be pushing themselves. Also it's in the middle of the freaking city and is a bitch to get to through traffic.
And so I've found a set of 51 stairs down by the river up to the highway overpass and will start my training there. A couple of months ago I had started and got up to 11 reps (I need to reach 22) but now I doubt I could do 5. It's only five months till the climb though so I need to get this fat arse moving!

On Saturday night we were hanging out with our good mate Brooksey and he asked me if walking the Bibbulmun Track (and again blogger is not being cooperative http://www.bibbulmuntrack.org.au/ ) would be something I would be interested in. Obviously not the entire way since it's roughly 1000kms and takes about 8 weeks but walking it for about a week. He said it was something he has been thinking about doing for a while and he would feel a huge sense of achievement by doing it.

I was very vague about it, wasn't non-committal but didn't say yes; the idea intrigued me but we were off sky gazing and I had other things on my mind. The thought has been niggling though and the more I think about it, the more I think I'd really enjoy doing that. The first part of the track is about 75kms and it goes down to Canning and I think that would be a really great starting point. It would only take about four days to do that and it would be a great test to see if we were up to going further.

Obviously I really need to start getting my fitness levels up if I'm going to achieve my new goals but I think it's going to be a blast along the way! I shall keep you all posted!

Nerd alert!

I know, I know, don't scold me for being gone so long. I've been busy dammit! Not with anything in particular, just busy with work and the lead up to Christmas and being sick and you know, life.

So today is mainly a photo blog but there will be words as well, just to keep everyone happy!

Last week we had some amazing thunderstorms. One lasted ALL day and it was lucky I was off sick because Molly was so scared that if she had been wearing pants, she would have shit them. Every few minutes for most of the day there were huge peals of thunder, some close enough to make the house shake.
And with the thunder came some rain.
Actually, a little bit more than just some...

The pond in the park across the road flooded. It usually has an island in the middle. That day, it did not.





This sign is usually about three meters out of the pond.


I had most of the week off work. There's several things going round at the moment and God only knows which one I had. The doctor ran a barrage of tests but couldn't find anything wrong. It was probably a virus as there was no infection. I'm feeling better now, not 100% (maybe about 70%) but that's still better! He did find a 14mm mass in my lung but he thinks that's a lymph node or something. In another week I'll be having another x-ray to see if it's gone.

This weekend has been the nerdiest, funnest weekend I've had in a while. Yesterday we began the day by going to our friend Tiho's place and playing board games and having a bbq. We played Barbarossa and Scotland Yard, neither of which I had played before but both were fun.

Then we headed off to Mel and Jann's place for our annual friend Christmas dinner. Brooksey also came but unfortunately Chiaki and their baby Kenji are in Japan at the moment so our little group wasn't complete which was sad.
Mel has also been sick so instead of our normal Christmas fare we ordered pizza and took it easy. I had bought all the boys a pump action Nerf shotgun and so the fun began after present unwrapping time.
The grins on their faces were priceless when they unwrapped their boxes. I should have known then that the grins were slightly evil and I would spend most of the night getting pinged with discs.
We spent the next couple of hours shooting, running and hiding and trying to find the discs all over the garden. It was immense fun and the next time I get to the shops I shall be buying another two guns so Mel and I won't be defenseless and also some extra ammo.

As you can see the boys enjoyed their guns...just don't tell them I posted their pics...they only posed cos I promised I wouldn't post them on the webbernet. This is payback for taking a disc to the throat! It fucking hurt!

Let's play Boondock Saints!


Soon it was eclipse time and we set up the telescope. There was a bit of cloud so we missed some parts but it was amazing to see anyhow. We didn't have any luck attaching the camera to the scope so we just took pics with my camera on the tripod.


I'm not too sure what happened in this next photo that Christian took but I think it looks awesome.


This morning I got up and gave MadCarlotta a call and it was great chatting to her again. There was so much to catch up on that emails (even 10 a day) just don't cover!

Then this afternoon we took FPos out to a track day. FPos started out as PosCar (Piece of shit car) that Christian and Brooksey have been working on but turned into FPos (Fast piece of shit) by the time they'd finished as she's quite gutsy! We finally got her finished this week (by we I mean all of us - I helped even if that help is just 'pass me the 14 socket' or 'tighten this nut' or 'thanks for the coffee babe') and we were all looking forward to seeing how she'd run.

The take off was a bit hard to get right. The fly wheel is very light so the guys either spun the wheels and she bogged down or didn't give her enough revs and she bogged down but hey soon made up time. She understeers quite a bit so they were spnning her quite a bit but the beauty of these track days is the guys go out to have fun, it's not a comp so there's no competing for the fastest time. Kind of takes the pressure off.

So Christian was driving down the long track and was preparing to take quite a hard left corner and the car didn't under steer like he thought she would but instead, over steered. The back end came around and before he knew it he was sliding up over the curb, clipping one tree before coming to a very hard stop against another tree.

In this photo you can see where he came over the curb on the left, nicked that tree and the white tree to the right (at the end of the skidmarks) is the tree he hit.


Luckily he wasn't hurt, although he'll have quite a sore neck tomorrow I'm sure. He gave me a bit of a scare though but all ended well.

Except for FPos...she's rather banged up...


Now we just have to decided if we'll get another shell and move everything into that or try and fix the door and front bumper of this car. Either way I guess now we have another project to work on!

Overall though it was an extremely nerdy, extremely fun weekend!

The adventure begins!!

Well, it does in fifteen hours!

Yes folks, it's that time again. The Nettie gets airborne! This time around I'm heading back to Canada Land to see my Dad. I know that last time I went I was very very bad and didn't actually do any blog posts about the trip but I promise this time I will.

I'm very excited about going to see my Dad again. It's so hard having him live so far away :(
I'm also excited about going back to Canada itself. Although it's very similar to here, it'slso very different and those differences really make the holiday memorable. Plus, it's very green there! lol

Let's just all keep our fingers crossed that this time round I don't miss my flight!

Chicstar photos

I discovered an amazing site, Chicstar that sells some lovely clothes. I absolutely fell in love with this dress. I wish I could marry it. It makes me feel so glamorous and fabulous!

That time of the year again!

Gosh, this past year has gone by so fast! I was very sad when I realised that this time last year, I was in Edinburgh celebrating my birthday with my best friend. I would give anything to be able to back there :(
I told Flora the other day that I miss her so much that sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and sob. Some days I love the fact that modern technology has evolved to the point that you can connect so deeply with someone on the other side of the world but other days it hits me that this is all well and good but she is still on the other side of the world.
*sigh*

Anyways, I'm very lucky in the fact that I have some absolutely wonderful friends who happen to live much closer and so I planned a little birthday celebration to mark the timely arrival of a few new wrinkles and a grey hair! Hopefully it won't be much longer that I'll still be asked for ID!

Even though we were having a casual party here at home where babies would almost outnumber adults, I wanted to dress up. I guess the party itself was an excuse to wear my new pretties! I made Christian get a photo of me before everyone else arrived.


What can I say? I LOVE this outfit! Just wearing it makes me feel so glamourous and graceful and beautiful (of course, I'm not nearly as graceful in real life as proven when I squat down to show a little girl our colour changing solar lights, stood on my petticoat and ripped a hefty volume of it right off when I stood up but I digress...) . After I'd gotten changed, I called out to Christian 'You wanna know something?'. He mumbled back something that sounded vaguely like a 'Yes' and so I made a dramatic entrance into the study and proclaimed 'I look fucking fantastic!'.
This is the power of this outfit. It can make a woman who has little self esteem feel amazing. Worth every penny in my books!

It wasn't long before people started showing up but I must admit, I was well off my game that night as I didn't take many photos at all. It may have had something to do with the drop in temperature. It was rather chilly and so we didn't venture outside but stayed congregated in my dining room. The evening therefore felt a little different to our usual gatherings. Maybe it's the Aussie in me but I prefer sitting around the outside table in plastic chairs, watching people play darts and just generally larking about. Inside, in a more confined space people seem to be a little more reserved. Of course it was still a great time, but nothing occurred that will go down in our 'party history' (see The Great Fire Blaze of 2010 or Christian's Drunken Stagger of '08).
I did take a few photos and here is a small selection.

Sarah, Tash and I show off our awesome outfits.


Awesome outfits deserve awesome shoes. I feel I may have let the team down somewhat here but I rather liked how my ankle boots looked.


Barb and Co couldn't make it since they are being plagued with pneumonia which left Darcie feeling a little bored I think. I took a couple of photos of us together but made sure they were fun ones.


Despite the numerous newborns, we still kicked on till after midnight and by then I was dead on my feet. Getting old is exhausting ;-)
I fell into bed and it was one of those moments where it just feels so good to be in bed that you just lie there in contented bliss for a while. I fell asleep soon after only to be woken relatively early the next morning by my Dad phoning from Canada because he'd missed my actual birthday. I felt bad that our conversation was so short but sleep beckoned once more and I slept for another hour or two.

The rest of the day was mostly spent in my jarmies, reading a book, eating copious amounts of leftover cake and shopping online for more gorgeous clothes. I discovered this website which is where my outfit originated from. Now that I have made this amazing discovery, I shall skip the middleman and save myself some money...not hugely charitable of me considering I bought the dress from a local supplier but in times like these it's every woman for herself. The money I save will be enough to buy more pretties. Vain, yes. Selfish, probably. Smart, you bet!

Other than having an awesome night for my birthday, things have being going really well for me lately. I'm actually happy. Which I don't think I have been in a long while. That 'special friend' I wrote about a while back has been pulled out by the roots and kicked to the curb. Am I upset about the loss of that friendship? Of course I am. But at the end of the day, it was poisoning my self esteem and was the main reason for my cutting. I realised that I'm worth so much more than that and even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done, I also think it was the smartest thing I've ever done. It's just improved my mental health so much which obviously has had a ripple effect on other aspects of my life. Things with Christian are better than ever, I've reconnected with my sisters, my self esteem has improved. And obviously reading my blog posts will be much easier for YOU since they aren't so God damn depressing anymore!

Thanks so much though, each and every one of you for being there for me. I know most of you live far away but knowing that I was never far from your thoughts made it easier to pull through.
Love you all xoxoxo

I *heart* Old York

Several weeks ago Christian and I decided to go away for the long weekend. I understand that this is something that normal people tend to do rather regularly but we had never taken a mini vacation before. It just always seemed too much hassle to bother with, too hard to find a dog sitter, too many thing to do around the house...the list of excuses goes on.
But things have been a little rough lately and we decided that a couple of nights away would do us the world of good.

I suggested that we head down to Busselton, which is where we spent our honeymoon but Christian didn't really want to go that far away. Since we were dropping Molly off for a sleepover at my Mum's place which is already half way to York, we figured we'd give it a go. York is very small and fairly old (over fifty years!) so we knew there wouldn't be a hell of a lot to do while there but since the aim of the weekend was to relax, that was fine by us. I booked us in to the York Heritage Hotel and we were set to have a well earned break!

We arrived about midday and since we couldn't check in until 2pm, we went for a wander about and found our way down to the river. While it was very pretty to look at...

...you really wouldn't want to go swimming in in...


It was a rather overcast day and the river had lots of pretty reflections in it that looked amazing with the poles and ruins of old jetties.

One of the main attractions of the town is their swing bridge. Although the original was pulled down some years ago due to safety concerns (apparently bridges made in 1853 by convicts are deemed 'unsafe' by today's standards...) the new one stands at approximately the same site.
This is Christian looking utterly overwhelmed by the sheer excitement of being on the swing bridge.

After crossing the bridge we went for a wander down the track along the river. Lucky for us we had packed several changes of underwear because we were scared shitless by these terrifying beasts!

After lunch we checked into the hotel room and later that afternoon continued with our survey of the town. Many moons ago I did a post that included photos of some of the humorous signs that can be found in and around York. Yet again we came across some amusing ones...

I thought this was the best name for a junk shop.

In small country towns one must be flexible and adapt if one is to survive. This is especially true of small businesses. This shop sold lawnmowers, remote control cars and...

According to a newspaper writeup on the bulletin board of the town hall, this building is being developed into a collection of six small shops. The name generated much controversy and may explain why they still haven't opened yet despite passing the expected opening date.

Yes, the dog is pissing on the old man's shoes. For closeups of this sign and others for The Dog's Bollocks Emporium, see my FB album.

Times are tough at the moment in York. There was a crazy high percentage of homes and businesses up for sale; the bad economic climate has obviously had a hard effect on such a small community. Therefore one must do whatever one can to lure in a potential customer...

No exceptions!

When I had told people I was going away to York, everyone I spoke to told me I really must visit the new markets that have opened at the old mill. Apparently they used to have a market one day a month but now they have a permanent market every weekend. We thought we'd mosy over and check it out.
Turns out it's rather crap. Sorry York, I loved you and all but to draw in a crowd, you need more to tempt shoppers with than five dusty stalls in a leaky shed next to the mill that sell hand made tea cosies.

The mill building itself was much more interesting. The bottom floor contained a couple of furniture and giftware shops and Christian and I oohed and ahhed over a table that was made out of one piece of jarrah that would seat at least twenty people. It cost $25000 but really, what put us off buying it was because it just wouldn't fit in our dining room...ok...that's our story and we're sticking with it!
The next two floors held art galleries and we wandered about there for a bit but to be honest I was more interested in the wrought iron designs on the stair railings.




This is the mill from the outside. It looks rather rickety and that's because it is. Afterall, it is old (over fifty years!).



We had taken up the telescope so we could take advantage of the clear skies in such a rural location but alas, the Saturday was too overcast. We did scout for a good location though so the following night we would know exactly where would be a good spot to set up. It wasn't hard to decide upon Mt Brown. It's vantage point and open spaces were pros. However it was very cold...



That night we had an amazing dinner at the hotel restaurant (if you're ever in York you have to try the rosemary and sea salt potatoes at The York) and then we just chilled out in the room, watching telly and reading. We did discover the cons to staying at a hotel however when the noise from the bar downstairs got rather loud. Coupled with a rather rednecky rendition of 'Working Class Man' at 1am by a few drunk locals stumbling home, it was a bit of a disrupted night.

The following day we went to Gwambygine Park and did a small bush walk there and then spent the rest of the day antiquing and having a mosey around the rest of town. We had saved the Sock Factory for today so as not to over excite ourselves on the Saturday...

I was very tempted to buy a blue heeler hand puppet but Christian wouldn't let me so instead I bought two pairs of socks.
That night the skies cleared and we headed back up to Mt Brown to play with the telescope. We didn't stay for long because it was fecking freezing but we did stay long enough to find Saturn and her rings. We don't have the best lenses as yet so it wasn't exactly like looking through an observatory telescope but still, it was clearly recognisable as Saturn.

Oh, and Christian took a photo of the moon...


The following day we packed up and headed home, picking up Molly along the way. She had enjoyed herself at Mum's, a little too much. Mum is not immune to Molly's doggy wiles and played ball with her the entire weekend. Molly had trouble walking the next day...

We had a lovely weekend though and I'm hoping we can do it again soon :)

ETA - Blogger is being a bitch and isn't letting any of my links work :(
I shall come back tomorrow and try to fix them then. Apologies.

Picking up the pieces

I've not been very motivated lately. I've been meaning to do a blog post for the past couple of weeks now but I just haven't gotten around to it.

Things have gotten slightly better in my head, despite a few setbacks and a shitty couple of weeks. I'm having a rather difficult time with my psych, it's very emotionally draining and it takes a long time to process after each session. Low self worth, fear of being abandoned and panicking in vulnerable situations are the main issues she's identified and she says it all stems back to the abuse I suffered as a child. The guy who abused me did so in an extremely predatory fashion - it wasn't just taking opportunities as they presented themselves but he waited until I was the most vulnerable; when there was no chance of getting free or having help come. And since it happened when I was so young and was still developing emotionally, it's completely shaped the way I feel about myself. I don't feel like I'm good enough because if I was, someone would have come and saved me. I am scared shitless of being alone because it was when I was alone that he struck. I have a stronger than normal need to have people there for me when I'm vulnerable or having a bad time; and when people aren't there for me I blame myself because I think I'm not a good enough person for people to care about.

The hardest thing is that I've spent my entire adult life trying to move on from the abuse. I realised what had happened to me when I was 17 (before then it was just a neutral memory) and since then I've tried not to blame the abuse for the path my life has taken. I don't use it as an excuse to rob people or beat people up or to take drugs. I believe that even after suffering such an event, I still have a sense of right and wrong and therefore my decisions should be based on that. And so to be told that the abuse has actually had a long term effect on me is hard to come to terms with. For so long I guess I have run away before I've dealt with these issues. In some ways I feel that my self hatred is justified. Now I have to learn to see myself as others see me and not as I've always seen myself. That's going to be a very long, hard process.

I still have a strong compulsion to cut. I hadn't cut for three weeks and then after an extremely rough day, I ended up cutting again. I had thought Christian was at the gym; that I would have an hour or two to compose myself, even hide what I had done. But he walked in the door five minutes later to find me crying in the bath, bleeding like a stuck pig. And I hated myself for making him see that. Of everyone, I never wanted him to see me like that. And so, even now, when I'm feeling slightly better and know I don't need to cut, but still want to, I've managed to hold off solely because I'm terrified of putting him through that again.

The antidepressants are no longer making me physically ill. I cut back the dose for a while but after the last incident, I upped again to the prescribed dose. I guess I must have adjusted to them because I haven't had a bad reaction since. The hard part now is staying on them. In the past when I've started to feel better, I've come off them because I hate the idea of getting dependent on the meds, but I now realise that it's partly the meds that are making me feel slightly normal again and if I stop taking them, I'll just slide back in the hole.

I had a very rough time last week when I found one of my clients in his house, unconscious, seizing and very, very sick. He passed away a few days later and I've taken it quite hard. We got along so well, he was only young and although he was terminal, things had been looking up. He'd just had surgery that was supposed to have paved the way for a transplant and things had been going smoothly. It would have been a shock enough as it was to have heard that he'd died, but to be the one who found him...I keep asking myself what I could have done differently...if I'd just gotten there sooner...

Three of my girlfriends have all had babies in the past few weeks. I am excited for all of them, I really am, but at the same time it's been quite hard for me. I guess in some way it just really makes me feel like a failure as a woman. Normally I am very strong about our decision to forgo further fertility treatments and not pursue having children but every now and then I get slightly broody and I guess I react to those hormones and I get upset. I'm sure this will pass soon but it doesn't help when every single conversation we have is about their babies. Ya know, I get it, you have a new toy, it's all very exciting to you and I do want to hear about all the cute things your new bundle of joy does and how each of their babies is different but just not all the freaking time!

Things haven't been all bad though. I've booked my trip to Canada to see my Dad in September and I'm getting awfully excited about it.
I've been socialising a bit with one of the ladies from the office and she's absolutely gorgeous. We get on so well and I'm really enjoying spending time with her. It's always so nice to make new friends :)
I caught up with one of my friends who moved to Melbourne a year or so ago and we had a really good night. I got her to read the chicken story and she laughed so hard I thought she would wet herself. Then we discussed what our mundane super powers are. Mine is the ability to see dog hair in any lighting, Christian's is sarcasm (but his super hero name is Iceman) and hers is the ability to take any situation and complicate it. I believe that all three super powers were used that night lol.

I am planning on doing another blog post about our mini trip to York soon so hopefully this melancholy/depressing/holy-crap-I-want-to-open-a-vein theme will end soon.

Thanks so much for all being wonderful and I just want to say that your thoughts and hugs have been muchly appreciated over the past few weeks :)