Funnies

Not much to write about, so I thought I'd share with you some quotes from a calander I got for Chrissy. They're from various comedians and I have a quote for every day (however as I don't use desk calander things, I read them all at once)

"Batteries are packaged as though the manufacturers never want you to get to them. What could possibly happen to batteries that they need to be packaged like that? On the other hand, lightbulbs are packaged in thin, thin, thin cardboard that's open on both ends. What are those packagers thinking? Oh, the lightbulbs? They'll be fine."
Ellen DeGeneres

"Martha Stewart reportedly spent her first week in prison playing scrabble and charming her fellow prisoners. And tunneling. Furiously tunneling."
Amy Poehler

"True Fact : A radio commercial says that a certain diet pill works three times faster than starvation. Question: Are they guessing, or do they really run those tests?"
George Carlin

"Research shows that men usually sleep on the right side of the bed. Even in their sleep they have to be right"
Rita Rudner

"They never make movies about long-term couples, and for good reason: our lives are boring...("look, they're opening their electricity bill!")"
David Sedaris

"The San Francisco Health Dept has a new service that lets you send an Internet greeting card to someone you may have infected with an STD. 'Roses are red, orchids are grey, congratulations, you have Hepatitis A'."
Bill Maher

"Plato did not originally want to call the Athenian form of citizen-government 'democracy', but rather 'Plato 'n' friends'."
Jon Stewart

And that's about all from me tonight folks.