In a land far, far away.

I love where I live. Sure it gets bloody hot, mother nature is currently trying to kill everyone in Australia and we have a ranga as our PM yet I still have a kind of fierce love for my country.

However, there are times that I wish I lived anywhere else.

Because anywhere else would be closer to everyone else than where I am now.

Ten years ago I would never have dreamt that I would become such close friends with people who live on the other side of the world. I would never have imagined that I would visit far away places to meet almost complete strangers, people who I only knew from chatting on MoH and could well have been hoaxes themselves (as I almost believed when Boo was an hour late meeting me at the airport! Oh how we laugh about that now!). Ten years ago I had few female friends let alone close friends.

But a lot can change in ten years and so it has. And that leads me to where I am today, looking back through photos taken from various holidays, reminiscing about the good times (most of them), wincing at the bad (Will's disappearing act) and being a rather sad, miserable wretch.

I miss my friends dammit!

I miss hanging out with them, how easy it is to laugh with them, the fact that we have the same sense of humour.
I miss the quiet times and the times we rushed around like headless chickens because we were running late for the bus.
I miss Edinburgh itself, the city that stole my heart with it's history (over fifty years old!), majestic buildings, creepy graveyards, culture and flair.
I miss arguing with Boo over things I wouldn't eat or even try.
I miss Zeph's cheeky grin and the funny faces he pulled.
I miss the way that Christian so effortlessly became mates with my friends.
I miss showing them around Perth and watching them fall as much in love with my tiny city as I am.
I miss our girly outings, dressing up, wearing the biggest boots and shoes we had and teeming them with lacy gloves and black lipstick.

I speak to Mouse most days via msn. I rarely see Boo online so we have regular phone calls (weekly when we can but rarely less than once a fortnight).
But it's just not the same! I want to be able to call them up and say 'Let's hang out tonight' or meet up with them for coffee (or tea!). Talking on the phone whilst browsing 80'stees.com is not the same as shopping together. Watching videos of Zeph impersonating a pirate is no where near as wonderful as seeing him do it in person. Writing *hugs* isn't even the shadow of a real hug.

Gah! It's just so frustrating sometimes. The world is so small now but at the same time, it's bigger than it ever was.

In roughly 18 months Boo and Matt will be coming to visit again. Rarely have I wished time to fly by so fast...

Baby lawn and fish!

But not exactly in that order...

Fish first! I love our wall mounted aquarium, it's different and pretty and a talking point. Getting photos is kind of difficult however but these are a couple we managed to get.

I took this photo about two weeks ago. The bubble is still there!

This is Skeletor, our Glass Catfish. He's just insanely awesome.


Christian captured this photo of Coolio, our Kuhli Loach. Isn't he adorable?


Our Glowlight Tetras are amazingly difficult to capture on camera. Christian and I both tried a heap of times and this one of mine was the best picture we got.



So, onto our new lawn! I never really took a 'before' photo which annoys me now. How I wish I had! This is the closest I have and it's a 'half way through' photo. You can kind of see where the huge pile of dirt had been (it's mostly smoothed down now) but it was towards the back of the fence.


So I smoothed down all the dirt, as best I could, raked through some soil improver and water crystals and put down some seed and made a wish! It's not exactly the best time of the year to plant lawn because it's just so hot but I've been watering it twice a day and voila! Baby lawn! This was about a week after I planted it.


And now after about two and a half weeks. The area under the tree is growing much better because it's in shade for most of the day so retains moisture but the rest is slowly starting to come along.
I'm not sure if you saw the creepers along the fence in the first picture? Well Christian has pulled them all out and we'll plant some Jasmine or other nice smelling creeper at some time in the future.


For Christmas my mother in law got us a dwarf peach tree which I potted (the front pot) and I've always wanted a dwarf lemon tree so I got myself one last week. It's been too hot to re-pot it but tonight it had cooled down quite a lot so I popped it in it's new pot. The lemon is the pot next to the fence.


And finally, this paper wasp nest was outside my lounge room window several weeks back. When I used to garden I received several stings from these little buggers and I know they bloody hurt. But I couldn't see a way of getting rid of them without antagonising them. Eventually though they moved on and they took their nest with them! It's entirely gone now. Weird huh?

Why I'm looking forward to winter*

* Perth winter, not crazy freezing northern hemisphere winter...

So it was bloody hot today. Got to 39.6C officially but the temp gauge in Osborne Park that Christian drives past every day said it was 43C. Either way, it was awful. Throw into that mix the chance of a thunderstorm and you have some lovely humidity as well.
Perth is full of hot, sticky, sweaty and grumpy people and I am one of them. Bring on winter!!!

It's not just about the temperature though. I love winter for more then just the cooler temperatures and lower risk of bush fires (even though we live smack bang in the middle of suburbia, we are still threatened by bush fires like this one yesterday that flared up again today. To put it into perspective the intersection they talk about in the alert is 600m away from my house). I love winter because I have so many awesome things that I can only use/wear during the cooler months.

This is the hat that Crafty made for me. I have promised for over a year now to take a photo for her but I kept on forgetting. Please excuse the perspiration on my face, it was hot when I modeled it! lol


And to go with the hat are the prettiest gloves ever!


Knee high socks are a must in winter. I also have several pairs of tights and stockings but they don't cooperate with the camera...


My Diego hoodie complete with bat wings and ears. You can see a photo that Boo took of me wearing the hoodie here.


I cannot wait until it is cold enough to wear my new Snoopy scarf!


For Christmas, Christian got me these felt beanies from an awesome shop in Melbourne when he was there for work. I keep on stealing his Kangol beanie so I can understand why he got me my own bunny ears.


For Christmas I got a Madness Hamsters Heat Bear from my best friend. However, customs confiscated the wheat bag from inside because it might have contained some odd European parasite so we had to make our own wheat bags up...


And finally, on an unrelated note, I promised a photo of my froggie biscuits so here it is for those of you who missed it on FB. I'm not the most patient icer in the world so they're not very neat but they were yummy all the same :)

An unexpected trip to the zoo

Yesterday I had gone round to my visit my best friend and after watching the new episode of Big Bang Theory, we found we didn't really have much to do. I was being a bit of a grumble bum because I'd had a headache for two days straight and probably wasn't being the best of company and I soon found myself bundled into the car and on my way to a 'mystery location'.

The mystery was soon solved when we pulled up into the zoo car park and I became much less grumbly. I love the zoo! Christian and I used to have a zoo membership and we'd go all the time but life has become so busy lately that we haven't been for quite a while.

It was already about half past two in the afternoon so the crowds had mainly dispersed which was good but of course, being mid afternoon on a warm day, a lot of the animals were having a siesta. We passed enclosure after enclosure where all we could see was a distant lump of fur in a tree top (sun bears), a streak of orange against the far fence (tigers) or absolutely nothing at all (wombats, lions, cheetahs and otters).

Some of the enclosures were being refitted so we couldn't see anything (the crocodile Simmo was having his glass replaced and was supposed to be in his outdoor home...he wasn't so we trod carefully until we were faaaaaaaar away) and the dingo enclosure was empty after the death of their last dingo, Durka. I always love visiting the dingo so I was very sad when I learned he had died :(

There were however a few animals who were being very voyeuristic. The Little Penguins are always good for a laugh, however stinky they may be. The elephants were demonstrating how strong they are by carrying around big tree trunks. The orangutans were being very orangutany and usually I'm not a fan but they had babies and were being very cute. The Meerkats are adorable as always and were doing very cute Meerkat things. The rhinos started to get into a fight, there was some stamping and a few horn butts but they settled down eventually.
The most surprising of the day though was one of the hyenas. Usually you hardly see the hyenas as they're always bloody asleep. But one hyena was having a bath in the pond by one of the viewing windows. He was jumping around, splashing, scratching, looking very cute and then he would go bounding off, run all the way around the enclosure (which is pretty big) and then eventually he would come running back and jump into the pond with a huge splash. It made my day :)

I'm just sorry I didn't get any photos but as it was a surprise trip I didn't think I'd have any need of my camera. I did however go to the gift shop afterward; a place I normally avoid since I spend too much money there. I ended up leaving with a zoo calendar, a froggie cookie cutter and a spiderweb necklace. I plan to make froggie cookies soon so I shall get photos and post them here :)

A productive afternoon

I had one of those eye opening moments today about my house. You know the type. Each week you tidy the house, do the floors, clean the bathroom, get the laundry done. The house if tidy and you think nothing more of it. Then all of a sudden, you actually *look* at your house and go 'My God! It's filthy!'. Yeah, one of those moments.
It happened when I was doing the dishes this afternoon and I looked out the kitchen window and realised I could hardly see out of the window. We've been in this house for three years and we've never washed the windows! How bad is that??? The amount of dust and grime on them, inside and out, was disgraceful. And then I started looking around the house and started seeing other things. Not just the accumulated dirt, but half completed or never started jobs, things that needed fixing, those sorts of things.
And so I made a list. I figured if I wrote down what I thought needed doing, then maybe it would poke at my memory every now and then and I would actually get around to completing these tasks (or nagging Christian to do the ones I can't do).

Clean the windows.
Wash the curtains.
Put up curtain rod and hang curtain in laundry.
Buy rod and curtain and hang in study.
Mow and edge the lawn.
Put in simple retic system for back lawn.
De-cobweb outside of house.
Clean off top of fridge.
Clean out kitchen cupboards.
Clean out bathroom cupboards.
Pot dwarf lemon tree.
Put up brush fencing along retaining wall.

Quite the list eh? And I didn't even include clearing out all the junk in time for our next curb side collection and de-skanking my yard. I've already started on the yard. Last week I dug out all the old, dead grass from out the back, smoothed down all the dirt and have put down some lawn seed (which probably won't take since it's the wrong time of year to plant but I was feeling optimistic). Our yard has just become really run down over time; to be honest, it was never really up to scratch in the first place. The backyard at least was pretty much a blank canvas when we bought the house off Dad and apart from my pots and a demented attempt at re-doing the lawn (major fail!) we haven't really done much except accumulate crap and grow weeds. I know my neighbourhood is Dodgeville but I'm sick of blending in with the trailer park trash who surround me (uncharitable I know but somewhat justified). Anyway, I'm hoping that our bulk collection will be soon so we can throw away all the junk that's built up round the place so I can start getting the yard organised.

Sorry, I digressed quite a bit there...I was talking about my list! So anyway, I wrote the list and then decided, you know what? It may be half past two on a Sunday afternoon but it's not too late to get started.
Christian also inspired me because he decided to change the washers in all the taps around the house since they hadn't been done in a while. So I started with washing the curtains from the kitchen, bathroom, toilet and the curtain that's destined for the laundry. Then I washed the kitchen window and the laundry sliding doors. The outside of the house got de-cobwebbed and I also put WD40 on all the interior doorknobs so they would stop squeaking. I made a trip to Bunnings to get a part for the spare curtain rod we have here and while I was there I bought a pot for my lemon tree and a new peg bag for the washing line. I got back only to discover I had bought the wrong part for the rod. And so I went all the was back to Bunnings, only to find they didn't have the part we needed so I had to buy a whole new curtain rod. When I got home I discovered it was an inch too long to fit in the laundry...we can put that rod up in the study but I have to buy curtains for in there first. I almost cried.

So by this time it was getting late and so I gave up on my list for now. But considering I started so late in the arvo, I thought I'd accomplished quite a lot off it. I'm just hoping that I can get everything on it done since that would make me feel a lot better.

The chicken and the egg

Christian cooked dinner tonight and he made scrambled eggs. In order to complete his culinary vision, he had to go buy some eggs. When I saw the eggs he had bought, I smacked him round the head and told him very plainly that in this household we don't buy cage eggs, only free range or cage free.
This is the conversation that followed.

Christian: Does it really matter?
Me: Yes! I don't want anything to do with stuffing chickens in tiny little boxes! See, listen to this. 'These fresh eggs are laid by healthy, grain fed hens that roam free in large, cage free barns, safe from predators. They have fresh air, natural light, perches, constant access to food and water, and nests in which to lay their eggs'. See, much nicer than a box!
C: (laughing) Nests???
M: What's so funny? My chickens had nests when we were kids!
C: They don't have nests, they have the floor of a warehouse!
M: No they don't, it's a barn! They have perches!
C: Oooooooh, they have a bar! (waves his hands around like a pansy)
M: You're not very nice sometimes, did you know that?
C: I just recognise reality. You seem to have this delusion about the chickens being in a day spa! (waves hands around like a pansy again)
M: Bugger off.

Honestly, sometimes he drives me mad. Anyone want to take him off my hands??? lol

Fresh is best

This time of the year is one of the best times here for getting a good range of fresh fruit and veg and since I've been making a real effort to eat more fresh foods, this has been very timely.
I thought that tonight I would take some pics of what we had for dinner :)

The menu is Teryiaki chicken stirfry with fruit salad and icecream for dessert.

It was only after I got back from the shop that I realised that I didn't have as big a selection of veggies as I would normally include in a stirfry so tonight's ingredients were pretty basic.


Cooking the chicken. Somewhere in there is a chunk of my thumb...


Add veggies and sauce. Nom nom nom.


I'm one of the weird people who can't handle eating noodles. It's the soft, squishy texture. I know they're essentially the same as pasta but I eat my pasta al dente...
So we have our stirfries with rice.


It's stone fruit season here which means that for about two months we get a supply of nectarines, peaches, apricots and cherries. For about two weeks they are actually affordable.
I live down the road from the major wine region in WA but as of yet, the vineyards aren't selling their table grapes and so I had to part with a large sum of my hard earned cash to buy them from the supermarket.



The fresh peaches didn't look all that nice so I went with tinned. Tinned peaches always make fruit salad feel a little more 'desserty' anyway I feel.


And serve with icecream. Yummy!


We enjoyed our dinner very much. It might not make for such exciting photos as octopi but it was tasty and healthy :)

Whiteman Park

I can't really think of much to post about today but since I want to try and keep up regular posts, I thought I'd post some pics of Whiteman Park. We were there just after Christmas for a bbq with friends and it was a glorious day :)

We always head down to the areas surrounding Mussel Pool. Honestly, when you drive into the park it looks bleak and barren and not really a nice place for a picnic, but once you get into the heart of the park, you come across places like this.



Scattered about the park are old farming relics such as tractors and machinery. They've also bought in an entire windmill.


The windmill isn't attached to a bore as far as we could determine (if it is, there's no taps or other outlet to access the water by) so this sign was pretty pointless...


Most of the trees had numbered metal tags on them. We have yet to determine the reason for these although some of our theories included : Dieback surveys, orientation marks and general tree species surveys. Next time I see my brother Scott, I shall ask him since he's a fandangled botanist and all!






Not the best specimen I've ever found but the best found that day. Our beloved Honkey Nut! When Boo and Mouse came a visiting, we made sure they collected some to take back to Scotland with them.


A chain that was around a tree log that was being held up by a big tractor.


Some of the frisky wildlife. I wonder if it was the same bugger who took a chunk out of my birthday cake when we were there last year...


That is all :)

Kick me when I'm down

Urgh, why is it that as soon as you're unwell or out of sorts, your body decides that you're not suffering quite enough and throws even more at you?

Last Monday I noticed very early on in my work day that my back was giving me some trouble. I limped through the day and made an appointment with my chiro for the following day.
I headed off to see him early Tuesday morning and then had the day off work. It's always an uncomfortable day after one of those appointments because it always takes a while for my back to settle down and it's very hard to get comfy anywhere. I was resting on the couch when it started - nasty, nasty period cramps. And the worst bit? Not even a stupid period to go with them, just the pain.
My back get much better during the week although I had to be extra careful with it. I have organised with work to drop a day from my schedule just to give it a bit of a break. On top of that, apart from swimming one day, I've avoided the gym as well, just to make sure I don't over do it.
So by the weekend I was hoping life would get back on track. But no, it wasn't to be. Saturday night I had a slightly sore throat, by the time I woke up on Sunday I had a full on cold. I ended up napping through most of Sunday and have dosed myself with cold and flu tablets and strepsils to try and get rid of it as quick as I can. It seems to be working because I feel much better today although still rather lousy.

I just wish it would be one thing at a time, not a whole load of shit thrown at me all at once.

Anyway, just wanted to have a bit of a whinge since with the floods over east I haven't really been able to whinge lately. If you complain about a bad back or having a cold you very quickly get shot down because with what those poor people are going through, back pain and the sniffles are trivial things that people don't want to hear about. I agree mostly with that but I just thought I'd come over and hide in the corner and just have a quiet whinge. Promise not to yell! ;-)

Sunshine, swimming and sweltering heat

Hello there my lovelies :)

Just a rambling kind of post today.
First of all, I love this piece of music. I first heard it on 'The Walking Dead' and asked Christian to find out where it was from. Turns out it's the main piece from the Sunshine soundtrack. We hadn't seen the movie and so Christian downloaded it so we could watch it. The movie was ok, rather depressing to be quite honest but the soundtrack was awesome so it wasn't a complete loss.

It's been so awfully warm lately. Well, to be honest, hot. I know, I know, Perth isn't the hottest place on Earth and we actually have rather mild weather on the grand scheme of things but all the same, it's felt bloody horrible lately. It's more the humidity I suppose. I can handle dry heat well but throw in some humidity and I'm sweating up a storm. And yes I know, compared to somewhere tropical (Darwin or QLD) our humidity isn't that bad but it's all relative to what one is used to.
The trouble I have is I do a rather physical job in differing environments. The majority of my clients don't have air con and so I have to put up with sweltering conditions while doing my job and it's not pleasant. I never thought I'd miss my cushy office job but it's times like these that I do...

I've been trying to chop and change the types of exercise I do so I don't get bored with the one activity. When I stop exercising I just lose so much energy and get grumpy and it's just not worth it. So to make sure that I'm getting enough, I've expanded my horizons.
Besides the gym I have had a friend teach my kick boxing basics, I've been going for bike rides, hiking and I've now started swimming.
I've never been a great swimmer. I could never get the breathing down pat since putting my head under water at all made me panic and bring on asthma attacks (considering swimming is supposed to be good for asthma, this was rather counterproductive) so by the time I came up for air I would be hyperventilating and wheezing. So apart from the first couple of levels I never did swimming lessons and the only strokes I really can do are doggie paddle and side stroke.
But after seeing my niece at her swimming lessons I thought that perhaps I should just give it a go and so I did.
I went to the pool with Jo and Darcie this morning and spent a whole hour doing laps. I did a few laps in the walking lane but mostly I swam. Not very well and not very fast but I wasn't there to break world records so it worked rather well.
I ended up doing breast stroke (keeping my head above water the whole time), side stroke and survival back stroke.
I had fun and plan to go back every Sunday.

Finally, across the road from us there is a park and in the centre is a pond thing fed by drains. Living in the pond is a flock of Ibis, whom we regularly see wandering about the park. Tonight we were walking down to a friend's house for dinner and as we were passing the pond I noticed that none of the Ibis were there. I commented to Christian but we thought nothing more of it. We crossed the park and were heading down the road when Molly stopped to sniff at some bushes. Christian happened to look up at a white gum in the front yard of the house we'd stopped in front of and low and behold, the entire flock of Ibis were perched in the tree! I was surprised as it was because I thought they were water birds and didn't think they could fly to be quite honest (apparently they can since they didn't have any abseiling gear on them) but also because of the company they were keeping. In the same tree were magpies, galahs and pink and greys. We're not sure what it was about that tree but apparently it's the coolest place in town to hang out if you're of the winged variety.
It's not the most world stopping event I'd witnessed but it made my day.

A Christmas Adventure

As most of you know, I bought Christian a telescope for Christmas. We decided that on Boxing Day night we would have a play around with it and just see how it all worked. There's way too much light pollution from the city where we live so we figured we may as well head up to Mundaring since we were going to visit my Mother in Law anyway.
We went to North Ledge which has views out over Mundaring Weir and it was a pretty good spot but there were an awful lot of trees still in the way so we didn't have an unlimited view of the sky. But at short notice it was the best spot we could think of so we stayed put.

We arrived about half six so we still had an hour and a half of light left so I wandered about taking photos. It's such a pretty spot and it really bought back memories of when we took Boo and Mouse there when they visited us.

This was such a pretty flower. I loved the colours and also the feather type texture of the petals.


The view of the weir. I know it's probably just the wind but it looked like there was a current through some of the water.


The view out over the valley.

Pretty bush.

I liked this tree.

And this one.

As I write this, the colour of the white background of my draft page perfectly matches the colour of the sky. I can't tell where the photo ends and the page begins. I know it will be different once I've published.


The setting sunlight looked so pretty through this palm.
The valley just as the sun was dipping behind the hills.


This is the rock that we climbed all over when the Scots came to visit.


Once the sun had set, we went about putting the telescope together. I'd assumed we'd put it together before we lost the light but it was so windy that Christian decided it would be safest to do it at the last possible minute.

It didn't take us long and we were soon trying to find something in the sky to focus on. The star finder was ridiculously difficult to use and so we soon gave up, looking through the eyepiece and moving the scope about randomly. We soon discovered Jupiter and it's four biggest moons. It was very pretty and looked very much like this photo.
We had forgotten to see when the moon was rising that night and unfortunately it was rather late and so we didn't get a chance to have a practice on the moon. It seemed the most likely starting point for complete amateurs like us but I guess it shall have to wait until next month.

We had a great time but we had to leave rather early as Molly was being dogsat by Christian's mum. But we figured we'd give it a go the next night as well. And so yesterday we headed back to the same spot but much later than the first time. Unfortunately we had a few problems and didn't end up staying for long. Quite a lot of cloud cover came over while we were there which prevented a lot of viewing and also the telescope seemed to be rather wobbly. The previous night we hadn't noticed the problem so we're not sure if it's faulty, if we didn't set it up exactly right or if it's just like that and moves around quite a lot.

I guess we won't know for sure until our next adventure out. The night wasn't a complete loss however - we spied on Jupiter a lot more and could see a faint stripe under it's belly. That was pretty cool :)

The creativity bug has struck

Well I must say the end of this year has really got my creative juices flowing! I've been taking photos like crazy and framing a heap of them, I started work on a secret project with Boo and then on Christmas Day I was inspired again.

Christian and I had lunch at my older sister's house on Christmas day and after a lovely spread, we all sat around the table picking at the gingerbread house Jo and Darcie had decorated. Afterwards, I was looking at the sorry remains of the house (parts of the roof had been broken off and most of the lolly decorations had been eaten) and I asked Jo 'Do you think this would be covered by their home and contents insurance? Or would it be considered an act of God? I mean, if you believe in God, would he send giants to eat your home?'
Jo wasn't sure so we asked Christian. 'They don't call it an act of God any more.' Christian informed us. 'They call it force majeure.'
'And that means?' I asked.
'Same thing really, it's a force beyond their control.'
'Ah, so do you think the gingerbread family would be covered?'
Christian shook his head. 'No way, the idiots built their house out of gingerbread, they were just asking for someone to come along and eat it.'

And so I had the idea of writing a story about an insurance agent in Fairy Tale Land. Upon getting home from Jo's I had two hours before our friend Tash was coming over and I finished the last sentence as she walked in the door. It's not been edited and it's rather rough but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

(I must apologise for the spacings - it didn't transfer properly from Open Office...)

Once upon a time, in a magical land where fairy tales were real, a place called Fairy Tale Land, there lived a man called Mr Jones.

Mr Jones was not a fairy tale creature - not a troll or a dwarf, a prince or a warlock, but just an ordinary man.

On the first day of the new year he got up in the morning, had toast for breakfast, dressed in a neat gray suit, kissed his wife goodbye and went off to work.

Completely ordinary in every sense.

It was the nature of his work that made Mr Jones the subject of this story; for where he worked was an interesting place indeed.

Mr Jones was an employee of the IAF – the Insurance Agency of Fairy Tale Land. All day long he assessed and processed claims submitted by the magical and not so magical creatures of Fairy Tale Land. As you can well imagine, these sorts of insurance claims are rather different to the claims you or I might submit in our world; there are very few claims for a new washing machine or a new car. The nature of their world changed the nature of their claims but for us to understand these, how about we spend a day with Mr Jones and see what he comes across?

Mr Jones arrived at the office just before 9am. He worked down town on the main street, right opposite a bakery and he enjoyed the smell of the fresh bread that wafted across through his open window. Like insurance agencies in our world, the IAF was a large room separated into small cubicles, with a desk, a phone and a filing cabinet in each one.

Mr Jones' desk was neat and tidy and had a framed photo of Mrs Jones upon it. After hanging his jacket on the hook by the door, Mr Jones sat down and looked at his full 'in tray'. The period after Christmas was always the busiest of the year for the IAF and many claims had already been applied for. His whole day was full of appointments and his first client of the day had just arrived.

Mr Gingerbread knocked at the door to the cubicle and Mr Jones ushered him in. The poor biscuit man looked totally dejected and close to tears. Mr Jones pulled out the appropriate paperwork, along with a notepad and pen.

“What brings you to see me today Mr Gingerbread?”

“Oh, my family had a terrible, terrible holiday Mr Jones!” Mr Gingerbread pulled out a handkerchief and wiped at the tears escaping from his licorice eyes. “On Christmas day itself no less, our house was destroyed!”

“Oh dear” said Mr Jones. “How ever did that happen?”

Between sobs, Mr Gingerbread relayed his story. “The wife and kids and I were outside, building a snowman in the garden before we sat down for lunch. We heard them before we saw them – laughing and joking, full of festive cheer. A whole family...” he broke off, blowing his nose on the hankie.

“Go on” Mr Jones urged, handing the sobbing pastry a fresh tissue.

“Well, as I said, we heard them first. We'd seen the news reports, we know this happens almost every Christmas and so we had a fair idea of what was coming next. The wife and I scarpered across the road with the kids and hid behind some fairy floss bushes and then they came. The giants. And they...they...oh it was terrible! They ate our house!” Mr Gingerbread broke out into fresh howls as he relived the nightmare again.

“I see. Well I'm glad none of your family was hurt Mr Gingerbread; there have been fatalities in the past.” Mr Jones said sympathetically.

He pulled out a manual from his desk drawer and flipped to the appropriate section. “Yes, it is as I recalled, you're in luck Mr Gingerbread. The IAF recently changed the policy regarding these types of claims. It used to be that they considered these sorts of incidents to be 'Acts of God' and wouldn't pay out but since none of the Gods would tell us who was responsible, they decided to start paying for the claims. Your house will be fully rebuilt and in the mean time you can stay at Old Mother Hubbard's Lodging House, all covered by your policy of course.”

“Oh thank you, thank you!” Mr Gingerbread exclaimed. “That's the best news I've had all holidays!”

“Happy to help,” said Mr Jones. “Now, if you just take this paperwork to Nancy at the front desk, she'll get you all sorted. Goodbye.”

Mr Gingerbread shook Mr Jones' hand and left the cubicle, looking much happier than when he walked in.

Ten minutes later, Mr Jones' second applicant arrived, towering in the doorway.

“Ah, Mr Bear! Come on in, what can we do for you today?”

Mr Bear squeezed into the cubicle and into the visitor chair. “We've had a bit of trouble with a break and enter Mr Jones.”

“That's not good! Did they catch who did it?”

Mr Bear nodded. “It was that young scallywag Goldilocks, from down the road. I know I shouldn't blame her, coming from a broken home and all, never being brought up proper and whatnot but she did quite a bit of damage. Baby Bear is quite upset and Mrs Bear is in all a tizz.”

“Understandably,” Mr Jones nodded. “Do you by any chance have the police report with you? We need it to file the claim.”

“It's right here.” Mr Bear handed over some documents he had brought with him. Mr Jones accepted the bundle and looked through them.

“I see, so according to this report the damage was, luckily rather limited. Locks need to be replaced, kitchen chairs were broken and some bed linen was soiled.”

“Yes, we were lucky we came home when we did,” Mr Bear nodded. “Otherwise there's no telling what she may have gotten up to. The police say that she's been known to steal quite expensive items and we had the new DVD player I bought Baby Bear for Christmas sitting right there in the lounge room.”

“Well, this is a very straight forward claim Mr Bear, you won't have any problems. Nancy will write you a cheque to replace these items, just see her on your way out.”

Mr Bear nodded and stood to leave. “I appreciate your help Mr Jones.” He held out his paw for a shake and then squeezed his way out of the door.

Mr Jones had time for a quick coffee before his next visitor. He choked on a sip of coffee when he saw his applicant and tried not to cough too hard as he showed his hairy guest to the chair. A long nose and beady black eyes peeked out from under a bonnet and from beneath the cotton dress a large hairy tail swished backwards and forwards.

“Ah, how can I help you, Mrs...?” Mr Jones managed after his coughing fit passed.

“Grandma Hood,” supplied the rather gruff voice from beneath the bonnet.

“I see...Grandma Hood. So, how can I help you today?”

“Well, I've got health insurance and needed some new glasses and was wondering if they were covered?”

Mr Jones nodded. “Certainly, we have a range of glasses to suit such big eyes as you have.”

Grandma Hood gave a shaky laugh. “Oh, but you'd think they'd see all the better for it, wouldn't you?”

“Indeed. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

Mr Jones' hairy visitor gave a nod. “I was also wondering if I could book in for a scale and clean.”

“For your big teeth?” Mr Jones asked.

Grandma Hood nodded. “I do like to keep them clean...and sharp.”

“I'm sure we can arrange that. If you take this paperwork and wait in the waiting room just outside, my assistant Nancy will be with you in just a moment.”

“Why thank you, kind sir.” Grandma Hood rose and sauntered from the room, her bushy tail wagging behind her.

Once she had left, Mr Jones picked up the phone and rang through to Nancy's extension.

“Nancy dear, do me a favour and get security to apprehend my last client. Can't miss him, he's a wolf dressed as an old lady. And once that's done, call the Fairy Tale Land PD. I think we've found that serial killer who's been knocking off those old ladies and their granddaughters.”

“Certainly Mr Jones.” came Nancy's reply.

“That's a good girl. Now I'm off to lunch. I'll be back in an hour.”

Mr Jones left his cubicle and decided he'd go to the bakery across the road for a bite to eat. On his way out the door he passed 'Grandma Hood' scuffling with three security guards and as he crossed the street he heard distant sirens getting closer. By the time he entered the bakery, police officers were storming into the IAF office.

The Muffin Man stood behind the counter, serving his customers with a smile on his face. Mr Jones was happy this business was doing so well now. Just last year his old premises down on Drury Lane had burnt down during the night and The Muffin Man was sure he'd never recover from his losses. But the payout from his insurance policy had covered the cost of buying this new bakery and due to the more central location, business was booming.

Mr Jones waited his turn and then bought himself an egg and lettuce sandwich which he took outside to a table to eat. As he ate his lunch he saw 'Grandma Hood' taken away in the paddy wagon, exchanged a greeting with The Pied Piper as he led a procession of rats along the main street and gave directions to a rather scary looking lady who was in search of a spindle shop.

After a refreshing cup of coffee and a quick phone call to his wife, Mr Jones was ready to face the rest of his work day.

The afternoon was just as busy as the morning. He had to finish the paperwork regarding the claim made last month by The Pig Brothers. They were trying to claim damages to their houses during a freak storm but upon further investigation it was found that they had not sought council approval to build their houses and also the structural integrity of the dwellings was rather shoddy. This was one claim the IAF would not be paying out on.

After Mr Jones finished with his paperwork, he got himself ready for a very important client. A powerful merchant was coming to see him regarding a specialised service that the IAF offered – K&R. Although Fairy Tale Land was normally a peaceful land, some times bad things happened and the IAF tried to cover all scenarios. The Kidnap and Ransom service was expensive and only the richest and most powerful people could afford the service.

When the merchant arrived, he was visibly upset. “My daughter, Beauty has been taken from me by a horrid beast. He's not made any demands as yet but he refuses to communicate with us. What do we do?”

“First of all, you need to stay calm.” Mr Jones told the merchant. “The IAF is happy to act as negotiators on your behalf. This is our fee,” he showed the merchant a figure on some paperwork. “If you're happy to pay, I shall get you in a meeting with out top negotiator this instant.”

“Anything for my daughter! I shall pay right now.” The merchant snapped his fingers and a servant came into the cubicle carrying a small wooded chest. He opened the lid to show the gold inside.

“Excellent.” Mr Jones said. “If you'll have your servant see Nancy at the front desk, she'll take care of your receipt and I'll have you escorted to conference room four where you'll meet with our negotiator. I wish you all the best of luck with getting your daughter back.”

“Thank you so much.” The merchant said. He nodded and then left the room , his servant following, taking the chest with him.

Mr Jones' last clients of the day were none other than the King and Queen of Fairy Tale Land.

“Your Majesties, how may I be of service this afternoon?” Mr Jones asked, bowing deeply.

“It seems we may have a bit of a problem. A princess asked for shelter during that big storm last week but our son, (you know how he can be!) wanted to find out if she was a real princess or not. He hid a pea in her bed and when she woke up she was black and blue, covered in bruises. Turns out she was a real princess and she's not happy at all. She's talking of suing us!”

“Goodness me! That's not very gracious behaviour after you put her up for the night!” exclaimed Mr Jones.

“My thoughts exactly,” murmured the Queen.

“Well, never fear your Majesties,” Mr Jones assured the royal pair. “Your public liability policy is very extensive and if any judge in the land would decide against you, you wouldn't have to pay a cent.”

The King nodded. “That's good to know Mr Jones. I'm sure it won't come to that, I'll have a talk with her father, and I'm sure we'll get it sorted. My son just fancied her but he's determined to have a 'real' princess. I just wanted to make sure our policy would cover such an incident if need be.”

“Ah, young love, it causes everyone so much grief, does it not!” Mr Jones laughed.

“Indeed it does Mr Jones! Let's just hope her father sees sense. Well, good day to you.”

“You're very welcome Your Majesties.”

After Mr Jones' royal clients had left he finished up the last of his paperwork, turned off the desk lamp and gathered up his briefcase. As he was leaving the office he nodded goodbye to Cinderella, the office cleaner who had just started her shift and helped Nancy carry a box to her car. Then it was a short drive home to a lovely dinner cooked by Mrs Jones and a relaxing evening on the couch watching his favourite television shows.

In which Nettie takes Molly to the vet...

Many years ago we started noticing that one of Molly's eyes was getting cloudy. She still seemed to be able to see out of it fine and so we didn't worry about it too much. Then one day I was at the vet and asked to have it checked out while we were there. I was told that Molly had a cataract but she could still make out shadows, light and dark and see movement.
Then about a year ago we went back to the vet for some unrelated issue and whilst there I got the vet to check her eye again. By this stage the cataract had developed to the point where Molly was completely blind in that eye, a fact that we had begun to suspect anyway. Several times Molly had had trouble seeing things on that side and it had become sadly obvious.

Last Sunday I was sitting on the couch with Molly perched on my lap getting wuzzes when I noticed her other eye had a bit of a shine to it. Suspecting the worst, I took her to the vet the following day only to have my suspicions confirmed. A cataract was already almost fully developed in her good eye. It's just a matter of time before Molly is fully blind.

The vet discussed the options with me, which were rather limited.
1) We get a referral to a doggie ophthalmologist and have an operation to restore sight in one or both her eyes. This will cost approximately $3500 per eye.
2) We do nothing and the cataract continues to develop, rendering her blind but on an indeterminable time line.

Christian was in Melbourne for work and so when I got home I rang him and we discussed the options, since if we decided to operate, the sooner the better.
It was hard but we ultimately decided to go with the second option. Several factors influenced our decision but the main ones were a) the first cataract took several years to develop enough to take her sight and since Molly is already almost 12, the chances are good that she will have some sight up until her death b) the vet said that dogs adjust very quickly to a loss of sight and she would cope rather well.
Cost was obviously a factor too and if Molly was half her age, we wouldn't have hesitated to spend the money on her. Finding the money isn't an issue - we've made extra payment into our mortgage that we can access at any time but due to her being an elderly dog it just seems silly to fork out so much money and put her through the risk of surgery.

Maybe that's callous, I just don't know. But I think we made the right decision.

I am curious to know what everyone else would have done if you were in my position. What do you think? Did we make the right call? Or should we do whatever it takes?

Shoot me in the brain

Christian and I have been watching The Walking Dead and the other day watched the episode in which the CDC scientist explains about Test Subject 19. For those of you who haven't seen this episode, basically Test Subject 19 was a scientist who got bit, gave permission for their transformation into flesh eating zombie be documented and then when the transformation was complete was shot through the head by Mr CDC. Glaring obvious from the beginning was the fact that Test Subject 19 was in fact Mrs CDC. It's a great show but please don't think we're dumb...

Anyway so after we'd watched the episode Christian and I had this conversation.

Me : If I turned into a zombie, would you shoot me?
Christian : Looked honestly shocked at the idea that he could shoot me.
Me : If you turned into a zombie I wouldn't hesitate to shoot you.
Christian : Looks honestly shocked that I would shoot him.
Me : Well I wouldn't want you to have to walk around for eternity, decaying flesh falling from your bones, the hunger for flesh never stopping, driving you mad with every waking moment.
Christian : Oooooooookaaaaaaaaaay...
Me : So you'd have to shoot me.
Christian : I don't think I could.
Me : But if you didn't shoot me, I'd bite you and then you'd be a zombie too! And in my heart I'd know I was responsible for destroying your soul.
Christian : I'm sure I could stop you biting me.
A wrestle commences which culminates with me biting him on the neck.
Me : See how easy that was! Wouldn't have happened if you'd just shot me. That's a lesson. Why? Because now you're a zombie.

After that we shuffled around a bit, ate raw flesh and then spent the rest of the evening moaning 'Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains'.

Turns out being a zombie isn't that bad after all ;-)

Yet another post

Wow, I'm really pumping them out aren't I? I hope you believe me when I say I haven't been abducted by aliens and replaced by a cyborg - it really is me!
It's just I had a bit of time to kill the other day and I went back and read some early posts that I had done on this blog but also early posts done by Boo and Mouse. And it seemed that way back then we actually spent time writing about what we did on our weekends, places we'd been, things we got up to. I've just found that recently when I've been posting at all it's been more about specific events or thoughts or just a bit of a photo dump.

I don't know if I'm making any sense and I'm not saying posts like those are bad in any way but I always enjoyed reading ramblings about the everyday lives of my friends and since we're all so similar I'm sure you guys are the same.
I guess that was the whole point of this blog in the first place. I have so many great friends, who don't live anywhere near me and this was a way of keeping in touch and up to date, not just for the big events and occasions but for all the little things along the way too.

And so here is my weekend so far!

Friday : Mum came round for dinner and trying to be healthy I made chicken stirfry and we had strawberries and custard for dessert. Mum marveled over my solar lights, completely forgetting that she's seen them all before, numerous times. The night wrapped up pretty early as Mum had to go and pick up my nieces. I had found a package thrown into my backyard while Mum was looking at the solar lights and it contained a Snoopy scarf I had ordered for my older sister.
Now Jo and I have had a falling out (long story but it's bad enough that she's uninvited me from Christmas) but I thought I'd be the bigger man so to speak and I gave it to Mum to pass on from me. I could have been spiteful and kept it but what does that achieve? I was rewarded with a thank you message on FB but that's been the extent of her olive branch extension.

Saturday : I was up at 6am and as I usually do at that time on the weekend, I jumped online to chat to my Scottish sisters. Boo and I had a rather interesting conversation which led to a few ideas being bandied about which then led to a full on exciting secret project. We've decided to keep it a secret for now for much the same reasons as pregnant people don't tell people they're pregnant until the first trimester is up; if something goes pear-shaped and we don't complete our project we won't have to face the horrifying prospect of informing everyone of our loss.
Let's just say it's combining our creative talents and we're both very excited.

I dragged myself away from the computer and went and had lunch with an old school friend of mine. It was great to see her but odd because she now has a baby bump. For some reason (maybe just my age?) a heap of my friends are all pregnant at the moment. I know it's silly, I don't even really want kids, but because I can't have kids, I'm feeling slightly like a failure as a woman at the moment. I know, I know, it's irrational and silly but that's the best part of being a woman - we're allowed to be irrational and silly at times.

That night Barb and Mikey came and picked us up and we went out for dinner. Mum had all the kids and so my sister and brother-in-law were enjoying their first kid-free night out in quite a while. We had a good night out and had thought of extending the night by having drinks back at our place but in the end Barb and Mikey decided that an uninterrupted night of sleep was beckoning and they headed home.

Sunday - I was up early again and so found myself again chatting to Mouse and Boo online. Mouse headed off to bed early and Boo and I tried to discuss our project but her msn kept crashing. In the end I just phoned her and it was so good to actually speak to her. It's just so hard sometimes being on the other side of the world to them and it's kind of painful how much I wish most days that we all lived closer to each other.
I was going to head to the gym today but period cramps have reared their ugly head and so I'm just having an easy day. I'm off to a friend's place tonight but until then I think I'll just curl up and read my book.

I do hope I haven't bored you all completely. I just missed our bloggy interactions :(

Walking into walls

I've always been a bit of an accident prone, ever since I was a child.
Here is an account of a conversation I had this evening with Christian.

I pick up my favourite mug from the sideboard in the lounge room and take it through to the kitchen. On the way there the mug mysteriously gets broken.
Christian : What the fuck?
Me : Bugger, I broke my favourite mug! How did that happen???
Christian : Uh duh! You just walked into the wall! Like you always do!
Me : I don't walk into walls! The gap is there, I see it and then all of a sudden I'm walking into the wall...
Christian : Do you need a race?
Me : *blank look*
Christian : *making closing in gestures* You know, a cattle race, so you get herded through the doorway so you avoid things like, you know, walls.
Me : *tries to come up with a snappy retort and fails* Shut up, that's why!

Walls - 40659, Nettie - 0

RIP Mug

Dad

Last Sunday was a sad day.
Dad had been visiting from Canada and he had to go back home :(

I had a great time while he was here and I'm looking forward to visiting him again next year. It's so hard, knowing he's so far away. When he's here, it's like he never left, nothing has changed. And now I can feel the great distance between us and it makes me miss my Daddy so much :(

I may be in my thirties now but you never stop being a little girl when you're around your Dad. Especially when he's such a joy to be around. The photo below is a perfect example of how wonderful he is. Dad is always up for a joke, can't keep a straight face in photos and is ultra supportive.

An unfortunate event

Last week whilst driving her fire truck through King's Park, Barb failed to see Darcie skipping through the playground.
This is a photographic montage of the events of that day.